Memory Lapse
by Cardel
Summary: After waking up from a year long coma Riku realizes Sora and their adventures were not real. Four years later he sees Sora in the real world. If Sora had been a figment of his imagination, how is it possible for Sora to be real? AU Yaoi RxS. CH 10 Up!
1. Awaken

Disclaimer; I own nothing.

Pairing: Riku/Sora

Rating: R, though for later chapters

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Monitors beeped with a slow and steady rhythm like they had been doing so for the past year. Slowly an unforgettable rhythm beep pause beep slow and steady one could almost waltz to the sounds. Beep, pause, beep pause, beep... beep, beep, pause. The rhythm changed and slowly increased the beeps and the lines on the monitor became faster. It became different enough that the one person currently watching the monitors noticed.

With her brow creasing in confusion the woman in the white uniform moved to the monitors. Her expression changed, from one of confusion to one of incredulity. Moving to the phone hooked on the wall she picked it up dialing a number.

"Doctor it's Jan I'm in room 502 I need you to come here immediately. You have to see what's happening."

After hanging up the phone Jan moved to the bed, which had held the boy for the past year and gazed down at the seemingly dead body.

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/A year earlier/

Riku walked slowly on the side walk on his way to school, yawing widely and repeatedly after every few steps. His back pack was safely secured on his back and his hands were deep in his jean pockets. With another long yawn he set his gaze downwards looking down at his shoes. He knew he should be speeding up he was already late as it was, but really couldn't find it in himself to muster the energy for that task.

Instead opted to keep with his slow pace, he was sleepy and felt like not bothering with school at all for the day. He thought about cutting classes, but decided since he had already gotten out of bed he might as well suffer thought the day.

Before he knew what was happening though, he was sprawled on the ground blinking stupidly up at the blue sky. After a second his senses kicked in and he quickly rose to push himself up and found himself face to face with a familiar face.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that"

Mumbled the boy who he had bumped into. Riku smiled, he knew who the boy was, well actually he didn't know but he saw him from time to time. Usually when he was late for school. He remembered seeing the boy a few months ago, Riku rarely paid much attention to people, except when they caught his eye and that boy had defiantly caught his eye.

It had been his attire, the first time he had seen him, he had been wearing all black clothing, his hair had been black, his nails had been painted black, his eyes had been lined with smoky black eye liner and his right ear had more piercings than he really cared to count. That had definitely left an image Riku had been sure he wouldn't forget.

Two weeks after that, he had been late for school again, and had seen the boy, except on that occasion, the boy had been wearing, blue jeans with holes on various places a button down gray short sleeved shirt. On his wrists he had worn numerous round rubber black bracelets, on his neck hung a silver chain with a medallion he really could see. That time his hair hand been white with black steaks. To his surprise only one small silver loop earring had hung from his ear

After that Riku had seen him a few more time each time the boy had completely changed his appearance. He found it interesting, and found it even more interesting that he had actually bumped into the boy when the boy usually walked on the other side of the street. It was than he noticed _he _was the one the wrong side of the street and he should have turned a block back. A sigh however brought him out of his thoughts.  
"I really have to stop daydreaming"

The boy mumbled more to himself than really addressing Riku. Today Riku noticed the boy's hair which he had always seen long was short spiky and blonde with the tips colored red. His clothing was more sensible, black jeans with no holes and a red t-shirt around his neck hung a pair of head phones from which he could hear sounds coming from and no earrings.

"It's okay I wasn't exactly watching where I was going"

Riku replied giving the boy an apologetic smile. The boy returned the smiled which took Riku by surprise. To him seeing the other acting so polite was the complete opposite of what he thought his behavior should have been like. He expected the boy to have a somewhat anti social behavior, but he was most certainly wrong. Especially with the way the boy was smiling, that smile completely brighten his features and brought out his eyes, which he noticed for the first time were green.

"Okay than we're even"

Riku chuckled and nodded. The boy gave him a small nod before putting on his head phones and began walking away. Riku watched him for a few seconds before doing the same, except he cross the street to go back to his usual side and walk a block back.

What a strange boy, Riku thought, interesting definitely. As he reached his usual side of the sidewalk and as he was just beginning to considered maybe getting up late more often he adjusted his back pack only to find his finger touching something solid and a bit cold.

Shifting his hand he pulled the object a bit looking down, to find a silver chain caught on the strap of his back pack and knew immediately who it belonged to.

Automatically he turned around already knowing the boy would be gone. Only to find to his delight the boy still on the other side of the side walk leaning down in the process of tying his shoes. Riku smiled and began to cross the street.

In the process of crossing the street he saw the most horrible thing that anyone has ever had the misfortune to witness. The inevitable on coming to the end of someone's life. There was a car coming, but it wasn't coming at him, it was going towards the boy. At that moment time slowed to an unbearable crawl and for a few seconds his every sense was sent on over drive everything heighten in the blink of an eye.

The car was slowly but steadily turning towards the sidewalk, Riku could see the driver had their head down obviously looking for something on the floor of the car. Slowly he turned his attention to the boy crouching down who was oblivious to what was going on around him. In a split second he considered screaming to the boy, in warning, but knew the process would be in vain, since the boy had his head phones on and was rhythmatically bobbing his head to the sound of the music.

And just like that everything went back to normal, as Riku broke into a run hoping he could push the boy out of the way and even though he knew it was in vain he shouted.

"LOOK OUT!"

Again everything slowed, the driver whose window had been rolled down heard the scream. Looked up saw the kid crouching on the ground and swerved back onto the road, sighing in relief, which would be very shortly lived.

Riku stopped dead in his tracks as the car turned from the sidewalk and back onto the street towards him. In that instant he saw the horrified expression of the driver as he slammed on his brakes, the car screeched as the gears grinded furiously trying to come to a rather quick halt the car slowed but not fast enough. Riku didn't even have time to try and dive out of the way. He felt impact, a force connect with his body. That was the only way he could think to describe it, a force so great he couldn't even begin to imagine how strong it had been.

Funny he thought as he lay on the ground, he had heard that people saw their entire life flash before them before they died yet he saw nothing. No images of himself at a young age, no smiling father or mother, no him and his friends goofing off. He saw nothing, and before his consciousness gave way he thought perhaps than today was not his day to die. And slowly slipped into a deep state of unconsciousness.

On the side walk the boy stood up finishing tying his shoe laces, up ahead he saw his school and with a defeated sigh he began walking. Bobbing his head to the blaring of the music coming from his head phones he moved carelessly never once looking back were the body of his savior lay almost dead.

Later on that day while walking back from school he would hear of the accident and wonder only briefly who had been the unfortunate soul.

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/Present day/

"This is incredible"

Was the voice of the doctor tending to Riku one year the boy had been in a coma. In one year his brain waves had remain a constant while not dead he wasn't exactly functioning. Sure the boy lived but not of his own accord. Riku lived but for the aid of all the machinery hooked up to him. Though now as the doctor read the monitors he couldn't believe what he was seeing. Riku's brain waves were steadily becoming normal, that was not something new to see on patients coming back from comas what was unusual was with the speed it was happening.

"What does this mean?"

The doctor turned to the concern face of the Riku's mother.

"Honestly the readings indicate he's awake, but refusing to wake up. I've never seen anything like this before. Do you see his eye lids how quickly his eyes are moving behind them?"

Mrs. Meneke nodded looking down at her only child.

"That means his dreaming, and it's almost as if he's refusing to wake up. As if he'd rather stay in his dreams"

After a year of no change at all in her son, suddenly he was having all this brain activity and he couldn't wake up. Mrs. Meneke reached out and touched her son's hand. His hand was cold and a dead weight in her small warm one, but she didn't care how lifeless he looked she would not give up on him.

To them Riku seemed to lie lifeless, in his comatose state. Or at least that was his outward appearance on the inside for the past year Riku had been going through the adventure of a life time, and sadly it was coming to an end.

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The city was bleak, the sky was dark not cloudy or stormy just dark with a few lighting rays illuminating the isolated streets. Rain was pouring down on him drumming on his head splashing on the streets. He had yet to see a single living soul or non living for that matter.

Gloomy neon lights flashed off the tall buildings and the darkness surrounding them seemed even more sinister. Riku didn't know why he was there, no that was a lie he knew exactly why he was there. Sora.

It had started out so innocently a simple trip, a voyage to see other worlds, an innocent adventure. Which had quickly turned into something more dangerous, discovering new places, fighting monsters, fighting themselves. Finding understanding, and somewhere along the line he had lost Sora, and had become surrounded by that cursed darkness. Only Sora knew how to rid him off.

He could sense him, he couldn't see him, but he could sense him, Sora was in the city somewhere but where.

The rain slowed and than completely stopped. Riku stopped in the middle of the empty street he looked around and he felt him. He was so close, but why wasn't he stepping forward, was he afraid? Of him?

Riku felt dread wash over his body, why would Sora be afraid of him. Sora had no reason to fear him. Riku could never hurt him, he could never bring himself to hurt the only person he loved.

After waiting for what seemed an eternity, he saw something. Slowly a figure clad in a black cloak emerge from the ground in front in him and instinctively Riku pulled out his dual key blade a handy little weapon he had picked up on he way. The figure fully appeared on the ground and stood in front of him, and slowly Riku lowered his weapon he sensed no danger from the person in front of him. Why should he feel danger? After all it was Sora.

Sora didn't move, Riku couldn't see his face, he had the hood of the cloak on his head, but felt his gaze fall on the weapon in his hand. With out giving it a second thought Riku threw the dual blades down and stood empty handed and defenseless in front of Sora. Sora still didn't move.

"Sora?"

"It's time."

Sora said speaking for the first time, but not moving. Riku frowned a sense of foreboding coming on.

"Time for what?"

"I know you can feel it. I can't help you any more Riku. It's time. Time to go back to your world"

Lifting his hands Sora pulled back the hood covering his head and looked not at Riku but up at the dark sky. Riku moved forward.

"Yeah lets go back you and me back to Destiny Island back to our world"

A humorless smiled played on Sora's lips before he turned his sad blue eyes which had once been so innocent and happy to Riku. He shook his head slowly.

"No Riku not Destiny Islands that's not your world that's not my world. Our world is out there. You have been sleeping and it's time you woke up. I can't help you in here any more. It's time to leave."

It couldn't be true. What Sora was saying made absolutely no sense, yet in a way deep down Riku knew he was right. Something he didn't know what but something was pulling him, forcing him to awaken. And he was fighting it with all the strength he had. Deep down he knew he had to leave, but if that meant a world without Sora than he'd rather stay in the dark forever.

"No. Sora I don't want to leave you here"

Riku whispered and moved forward closing the distance between himself and Sora. Gently he placed a hand on Sora face, which earned him a smile a genuine smile. And he felt his heart warm seeing the innocence in Sora's face.

"I won't stay here Riku. With out you here there is no reason for me to stay. My world is also out there with yours we share the same world. But we can no longer stay here it's time we leave. I know you feel it too. I know you feel _them_. Stop fighting them"

Their world was else where? Not here, but our there? Than there was hope. Riku blinked he felt it that pull and he was not fighting it as much as he should have anymore. It was a voice a familiar voice it was calling to him. As much as he wanted to stay with Sora he couldn't ignore that voice. It was full of hope, pain and suffering, suffering that for some reason he knew only he could stop if he responded to it. How he knew that was beyond him, and he was tired of trying to figure things out.

The voice was getting stronger and closer, and he was torn between going to the voice and staying with Sora. Suddenly he was blinded by Sora's hair as he threw his arms around him in a tight hug, Riku felt Sora shake and hugged him back just as tightly. In that moment he knew no matter how hard he fought he had to go back. Just like that he also knew no matter where he was going it was not home, there at that moment with Sora in his arms was where he belonged. He knew that no matter what happened, to him embracing Sora would always he like coming home. Unfortunately their embrace was a good bye.

"Riku I'll miss you so much. I'll never ever forget you. Promise to never forget me?"

Sora's words were whispered, mumbled on his neck. Riku felt them and held Sora closer to him before pulling back and staring down at the boy he had fallen in love with. He stared trying to memorize every single detail and than whispered.

"I swear I'll never forget you. And if it's true we share the same world I swear I'll find you Sora if it's the first, last and only thing I ever do. "

Tears were flowing freely from Sora's eyes as he tried to smile encouragingly, and Riku doubted he would ever see anyone look so strong while they cried. Sora had a look of acceptance, as if accepting he would never see Riku again. Almost as if he knew he would never be with him in this world or in any other. All Riku wanted to do was reasure him that he would in fact find him. Before he could say anything he felt himself sinking into the ground and the familiar voice calling him and he could no longer find it in himself to ignore it.

"Good bye Riku"

Sora whispered and disappeared.

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"Riku sweetheart wake up. I need you please come back. Please wake up"

Light invaded his closed lids, beeping bombarded his ears and slowly his eyes fluttered opened. An unfamiliar surrounding came slowly into focus, but he felt no danger. He saw a woman, she was holding his hand and smiling despite her tears. There was also a man and another woman both were standing back, watching the woman and himself.

He didn't know those people and there was only one thought more prominent than finding out who the people in the room were.

"Where's Sora?"

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Cardel: Well there it is. I hope that wasn't confusing.

Demak: Yay you finally posted this.

Cardel: Shut up I hate you guys I hope you're happy.

Jin: We are

Cardel: But we haven't even finished the other story yet, and now you just had to bug me until I posted this one.

Jin: Quit your whining. Besides we're muses that's what we do.

Demak: Maybe if you didn't slack off so much you could type more and whine less.

Cardel: Leave me alone you mean muses. And to all the lovely people who read this review please.


	2. Just Memories

Disclaimer; I own nothing.

Pairing: Riku/Sora

Rating: R, though for later chapters

A/N: Thanks guys for all the review unfortunately I can't answer your question because I would be giving away way too much info. But I can tell you this I have not introduce Riku and Sora to each other as of yet. Well enjoy the story oh and as far as the medical side of the fic it's all made up, I hope it sounds credible enough though.

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Sora had not been real. Their adventures had been a lie. An imaginary world his mind had created in order to help him cope with the trauma of his coma. At least that was what Riku had been told over and over again.

It had been three months since he had first opened his eyes and asked for the wareabouts of Sora. A boy they now told him didn't exist. At first he had been extremely confused. His mother he had not recognized, but in a way he had. He had seen her and had known who she was but not immediately.

The doctors because there were many looking into his 'case' as they liked to call it, they had been worried he had developed amnesia. Though that hadn't lasted long. By the end of the week Riku had been able to remember his mother and father and with that came chain long memories he had briefly just forgotten. His parents had been relieved but only for a short while.

Two weeks had passed after he woke up when again he had asked for Sora. Two weeks after that the doctors had him seeing therapists. The best in the world they said and they would all tell him the same thing during their sessions. It was during one of his sessions with one of his first therapist that Riku would be told, Sora was not and had never been real.

That was were Riku currently found himself in the sitting area of his latest therapist, waiting for his session to begin. Dr. Yeo was his current shirnk who insisted he be called by his first name Hiro. In two months Riku had gone through five therapist and this one he was sure would be no different.

They were all the same, they started off slow talking to him about his family and friends and how he was coping. When they were satisfied or bored as Riku liked to think, they began questioning him about his accident.

His accident was the only part Riku couldn't remember. The day before the accident he could remember, the hour before the accident he could remember, but when asked what had happened, his mind drew a blank. In a way it was frustrating, he remembered getting out of bed, waking up late remembered wanting to cut classes, remembered walking no more like dragging himself to school and than nothing. It was like watching a movie which had a big part blanked out and no matter what he did he couldn't see the end couldn't see what happened next. It was the most frustrating thing in the world, knowing something came next and being unable to see what.

After the shrinks got tired of poking around in his head trying to look for the lost fragment of that day, they moved on to his comatose state. Riku had no problem talking to them about Sora and Kingdom Hearts and the Heartless, he wanted to tell them what had happened. At least those parts weren't blank. That was a memory he could easily pull up in his mind.

It was only when they started to suggest Sora was not real that Riku refused to speak any further. He just plain out refused to talk, he didn't acknowledge their presence, pretended not to listen he just ignored them. They would get dismissed from his 'case' and send in another. Today was Dr Yeo a.k.a Hiro.

Riku could tell Dr. Yeo would soon be joining the rejected shrink bin. The doctor had already question him on everything except the accident and there wasn't much else he could possibly want to know so Riku assumed the subject of the accident and Sora was today's priority.

"Riku Dr. Yeo is ready for you"

Riku looked up from the magazine he had been reading, it was amazing how much he had missed in a year when the receptionist Kara, Kayla something, called him. He placed the magazine in the magazine rack by his feet and stood up. His mother who had been sitting next to him, touched his hand briefly giving him a reassuring smile before going back to her book.

The girl smiled at him as he walked passed her, he flashed her a cheeky grin, before quickly reading her name tag, Mina? Well he had been way off.

"Hey Mina"

She nodded to him in greeting and he walked through the red oak door to his session. The office was not out of the ordinary it was actually beautiful, with it's large book cases holding volumes he was sure Dr. Yeo didn't even use or know were there. The carpet was a deep scarlet color almost violet the windows were large letting enough sunlight come through that if Dr. Yeo wished he could read with the lights off.

Dr. Yeo sat behind his red wood desk leafing thought some notes. Unlike the office the doctor was not ordinary at all not like all his other therapists. They would usually be ready when he entered their office waiting behind their desk with their hands neatly folded giving him a very unrealistic and overly rehearsed smile, he was sure was suppose to be friendly and welcoming, when in reality was just creepy and annoying. No one could be happy all the time.

"Good morning Riku. How do you find the day this fine morning?"

The doctor asked not looking up form his notes. Riku shrugged off the green sweatshirt he was wearing and tossed it on a near by chair, making himself comfortable laying on creamy brown sofa.

"The day's fine. People suck but the days glorious."

A chuckle was all he received in response. Dr Yeo finally looked up from his notes and over at Riku.

"That sounds like something my son would say"

Very unorthodox doctor indeed, the other shrinks had never spoken to him about their personal life. It had always been about him, him, him. It was a little too much some times. It was a welcome change to know he was talking to someone real, to someone who had a life outside of trying to pry into his. Even though Riku knew this was just another way to get him to open up.

"So what do you want to talk about today? Any new memories?"

Though he had gotten most of his memories back there were still some blanks. His parents had been great helping him remember little things, by looking through photo albums, home movies and telling him stories. It had also been a great way to get them to sort of break the ice and re-establish the relationship they had once had. However some things still didn't make much sense to Riku and thus adding another reason to visits the shrinks.

"Umm. Well there was this one I had yesterday, when I was looking at my mother put some flowers in a vase and it started leaking. I had a flash of me kicking it on accident while trying to show off to someone can't remember who, a move I had learned in my Karate class. Anyway she didn't know I was the one who broke it and just glued it back together. For some reason I don't think I ever meant to tell her."

Dr. Yeo smiled and moved to a chair closer to Riku taking out a pen and a clipboard.

"Alright lets go with that. Who was this person with you? Can you see their face? A girl a boy?"

Riku hmmed and closed his eyes thinking back to that day.

"It's a boy he's wearing what I'm wearing a Gi(1) I think we just got back from Karate class"

"How old are you?"

"Fourteen it's a few months before my accident"

That was something he could tell his other psychiatrists were bother by, the way he said 'accident' like it was no big deal. But not Hiro, or perhaps it did bother him and he was just better at hiding it then the others.

"And what does he look...."

"Tidus!"

Riku shouted before Dr Yeo could ask anything else. Remembering something was always like that. He started thinking of the memory concentrating on it and just like the flash of a camera it was all there. Names, places dates everything, it was a feeling of great relief. Like turning the page of a book and finding out the end.

"Tidus your friend?"

"Yeah"

Riku said opening his eyes smiling to himself.

"I said hey Tidus check this out and did a backwards kick meaning to turn but my elbow caught the vase and it fell"

The Dr. nodded satisfied.

"Anything else?"

Riku shook his head. Hiro shifted and took a deep breath and Riku knew it was coming. This was surely to be his last visit with Dr. Yeo who like to be called Hiro.

"Tell me about Sora and your adventures"

Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath Riku began. He had told his story so many times he had already memorized it, pausing only briefly to take a breather or when he remembered something amusing Sora had done. After what seemed like no time at all he finished. Though he didn't tell Dr. Yeo of his last meeting with Sora when Sora told him it was time to go back and his own promise to Sora.

Instead he finished when Sora defeated Ansem and he had been locked inside of Kingdom Hearts. Dr Yeo was silent for a moment.

"Riku"

He began.

"I'm going to ask you something and I want you to be completely honest"

Riku nodded, already knowing what the doctor was going to ask.

"How does your story sound to you?"

Scoffing Riku smirked placing his hands behind his head lacing his fingers together. He always loved that question.

"Like a far fetched fairy tale"

That was not the answer Dr. Yeo was hoping to hear. He was hoping to hear Riku being outraged and defend his reality and the credibility of his tale. Yet Riku acknowledged his own story was not real.

A nut case Riku was not at least not yet. Of course Riku knew better than anyone that the events he had in his head as memories of the past year were not real could not have been real. He had absolutely no problem admitting to that and when asked he was more than happy to agree to the stories unreal-ness.

The problem lay in Sora. Though Riku knew and acknowledged his adventures with Sora had not been real, he knew Sora had been real. No one understood and he was getting tired of explaining. Sora was real not because his mind made him real like they liked to tell him. Sora was real because he simply was.

There was no way in hell or in any other place for that matter he could have made up someone like Sora. The shrinks however refused to believe him. Frankly he couldn't blame them after all how could they understand if they didn't feel what he felt.

The only reason Riku knew beyond any doubt Sora was real was because he felt it. He couldn't describe it and didn't want to, it was something him and Sora shared. No one else could ever understand.

"So you admit your adventures weren't real?"

"I never said they were"

Dr Yeo nodded clearly perplexed. If Riku admitted his adventures were not real than...

"And Sora..."

Riku sung his legs over the sofa coming to a sitting position.

"Sora's real"

He stated simply.

"Perhaps he is"

Riku opened his mouth to speak but couldn't find words. Out of all of the things he expected to hear that was definitely not one of them. He had gotten so used to always being on the defensive when it came to Sora he was not sure how to reply now that someone was willing to believe him.

Than again these people were psychologist, their job was to mess with his head and rearrange it in a way it made crystal clear sense to them. Telling himself not to get his hope too high he replied.

"What?"

Looking down at his notes Dr. Yeo nodded to himself.

"Its a suggestion. Tidus was in your adventures he's real he's your friend. Sephiroth and Squall are both people you have met, my theory is this Riku. Sora may be a person you have met and just can't remember, a very important person for what you have spoken of him."

He knew it was too much to hope for. Riku shook his head.

"No I already told you. I've never met Sora in my life..."

"Never. Met. Sora. In. Your. Life"

Dr. Yeo cut him off, throwing back his words at him, slowly punctuating word for word.. Riku glared at the doctor.

"I told you before Sora..."

And he stopped. That's when Riku realized it would always be like that. It would always be him against them, they would never stop. It would always be him protecting Sora from them and they would never stop.

These people were people who saw the truth in their books in what they held to be the truth. In that moment their books were telling them Riku was crazy for ever believing Sora was real. Their mission was to make him see the truth, see their truth.

No matter how hard he tried, how much he defended Sora. Unless they actually _saw _Sora he would be as non-existent as his adventures with him. Riku couldn't do that wouldn't do that. He was tired, tired of all the sessions. Tired of them denying Sora was real. Tired of trying to explain Sora was real.

So he needed to make a decision. Dr. Yeo was watching him, Riku could feel his eyes on him. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes placing his hands over eyes.

__

I'm so sorry Sora. I swore I would find you but for now this is the only way.

Slowly he removed the hands from his face lowering them slowly. He looked straight ahead focusing on nothing in particular, making his gaze distant and unfocused.

"Sora..."

He whispered. He had to do it, had to say it there was no other way.

"What about Sora?"

Dr. Yeo asked gently trying to encourage the boy to say what he knew Riku needed to say.

"Sora... was not .."

It hurt so much to even think of it. Riku closed his eyes again resting his elbows on his knees and burying his face in his hands.

"Real"

It was a mumbled whispered and slowly he lifted his face from his hands swallowing hard. He felt something in him constrict painfully. He had just denied the existence of Sora. And suddenly he felt empty.

"Sora was not real"

Riku said it again, more slowly dragging every words through his clenched teeth. Not wanting to, but doing so anyway he looked over at Dr. Yeo. Thankfully there was no glee in his eyes no triumph, just sympathy. The doctor didn't move.

"What made you realize this?"

For now he had to go along with this act, he had to pretend Sora was not real. Otherwise they would never leave him alone. One day he would find Sora like he had promise and he would show them, he was real. However at the moment all he could do was play along, with the charade he had started.

"He couldn't have been. I've never met him in my life. Only, only when I was in my coma. So that means he's as real as our adventures were. Which were only in my mind"

Setting his notes aside Dr Yeo nodded slowly.

"Riku I believe to you Sora is very real, he was your only companion for the past year. In your head for much longer. It's difficult for you to accept he is not real, but accepting is the first step in a long choreographed dance. But don't worry it only gets easier from here"

Riku could only nod as he stared blindly ahead of him. Having denied Sora was real he felt so empty, and he knew the only way to ever feel normal again was if he found Sora. Riku didn't notice when Dr Yeo stood up and moved towards the door.

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Out in the waiting room a cell phone rang through the silent room. Mrs. Meneke quickly pulled out her cell phone and answered silencing the noise of the ringing.

"Hello"

Her faced change from a pleasant one to one of complete discontent as she listen to the man on the other side of the phone.

"Listen Dr Bret my husband and I have already told you more than once we don't.."

"Yes of course, but Mrs. Meneke you must understand. Your son is a scientific miracle. He was able to keep his brain not only alive but active. And his brain waves didn't appear to change at all. We only wish to run a few test, if we could just understand how your son made that possible than other coma patients..."

Mrs. Meneke clenched her hand tightly around the cell phone.

"Dr Bret We are very grateful for everything you have done to help our son. But I will only say this one more time. My son is not your scientific experiment. He has been through enough he is still going through a lot. He doesn't need this. We just got our son back and we intent to keep it that way. And if you ever try to contact my family again you will regret it"

With a push of a button the line went dead. Mrs. Meneke stared at the phone in her hand for a few second. Riku was not some piece of science to be poked at and examined. She would be damned if she put Riku through more trauma then he was already in.

So lost in her thoughts she was she didn't hear the door to Dr Yeo's office open. Only when she heard her name did she snap out of her thoughts and turn to see Dr Yeo standing by the door. Calling her to come in.

She was a bit confused neither her nor her husband had ever been allowed to sit in Riku's sessions. As she came closer the doctor stepped aside to let her in his office.

There she saw Riku sitting on a couch with a distant look is his eyes. It almost seemed as if he were lost. She turned to Dr Yeo wanting an explanation.

"We've had a break through"

Mrs Meneke sighed in relief and moved closer to her son. Slowly she sat down next to him, hugging him around the shoulders. Riku didn't respond.

"Sora was not real"

Oh God he had said it again and it hurt so much. Again he buried his face in his hands he was briefly aware of his mother patting his back mumbling what he assumed were soothing words to him. None of that matter.

Riku felt disgusted with himself, he had given in. He had done what they wanted him to do. But it was worth it, it had to be. It didn't matter how much he said it, in fact he would say it over and over as much as they wanted to hear. It would never change what he felt.

With his mother holding him. He concentrated hard on Sora, bringing his smiling face to his mind. And he saw him just as he remembered messy hair bright blue eyes, and that smile that always warmed his heart. With Sora's image so clear in his mind he spoke to him.

__

I promise Sora no matter how long it takes I'll find you. I'LL FIND YOU!

/

/

/

__

... find you

A broken thought entered his mind. Blue eyes snapped opened in shock his concentration broke as did the glass levitating in front of him.

/

/

/

/

(1) A Gi is a martial arts uniform

/

/

Cardel: Man that was a weird chapter I loved it. Are you guys confused yet?

Jin: I thought you said this story scared you.

Cardel: Yeah it does, this is the first story I've ever posted that I don't know the end to yet.

Jin: Aww poor you

Demak: Ohh this is sad I want to get them together already.

Cardel: Nope I might not know the end to this story yet but for now we're gonna make them suffer.

Demak: Your so mean to Riku-chan.

Jin: Yeah get over it.

Cardel: Okay readers thanks for all the reviews and this story is going to get weirder (winks)

Demak: So don't forget to review

Cardel: Oh and thanks for asking about songs and dreams I should have an update soon.


	3. Dream or Reality

Disclaimer; I own nothing.

Pairing: Riku/Sora

Rating: R, though for later chapters

A/N: Hi you guys are awesome as always. I left after I posted the last chapter, I went on vacation, Mexico is great this time of year. But anyway I'm back and I see some of you were confused about the whole levitating glass thing and some of you were right on. Don't worry it'll all make sense later. You guy will love this chapter I know I did.

/

/

/

Time. Time was said to be almost magical. The most incredible type of medicine. Able to change and heal people. Time could also be an enemy, depending on who viewed it as such. For time could also erase and make people forget their most treasured memories. Time.

There was not much they could do, now that the boy saw the truth. All they could do now was wait. With time they believed the boy would just forget and they held on to that belief. The men of science held on to the inanity, that a thing as complex as time could make him just forget.

They believed in their theory. But a theory it still was, until Riku began to prove their theory right. Slowly the more he accepted the truth the more he forgot the fabricated lies his mind had created. Or so that's what it appeared like to them. Which only proved Riku was smarter than they thought as he easily made the science educated men believe his lie were truth.

/

/

__

The room is a mess. That was the first thought to enter his semi conscious mind. If his mother could have seen the room she would have shaken her head in disapproval However his mother was not there therefore he didn't feel the need to pick up his mess.

It was Saturday morning and all he wanted to do was sleep in. The sun rays coming through the window where making that a bit difficult. He groaned throwing the covers over his head as he hid from the light.

After a few minutes he could feel sleep tugging him back into it's black comfort, when there was a knock on the door. He ignored it, deciding it was not worth getting up for. The knocking continued and he clasped his hands over his right ear the left was pressing onto the pillow beneath him.

"Go away!"

He mumbled beneath the sheets. To his surprise the knocking stopped and he sighed in relief. Only to have the wind knock out of him, as he felt a heavy weight land on him after hearing the door slam open.

"Wake up sleeping beauty"

Said the cheerful voice of the person currently on top of him bouncing up and down on the mattress. Riku pulled the covers down and glared at the person who was sitting on him.

"Tidus what the hell do you think you're doing?!"

"Bouncing"

The blonde replied grinning down at him.

"Well stop"

Tidus did but did not get off of Riku.

"Get off"

Riku said after seeing Tidus was not making a move to get off of him. Tidus shook his head.

"Only if you get up and pick up this mess"

He said waving his hand around the room and wrinkling his nose with distaste. Riku rolled his eyes and looked around the room. It wasn't as bad as Tidus seemed to think, he had arrived to his dorm late at night and had merely hauled his things to his room. He had meant to put his things away, therefore he had began unpacking and after an hour, he gave up the task and opted to sleep. After all it had been a long day or so he reasoned.

"If it gets your heavy ass off me I'll even clean the windows"

Tidus didn't seem offended in least by the comment. He chuckled in response and got off his best friend. Riku sat up and rubbed his eyes, he looked to the clock on his night table. It read nine o'clock.

Turning his gaze to Tidus he glared. Tidus however was oblivious to the gaze as he picked a path through Riku's mess.

"Why are you up so early?"

Tidus turned back to Riku and smiled.

"What I can't help my best friend settle in his new home?"

Riku's only answer was to roll his eyes. He swung his legs over the bed and sat up he yawned and looked down at the floor. He sat quietly searching the floor for his clothing.

"Hand me those pants your standing on"

Riku said spotting what he wanted to wear and pointing at the garment trapped between the floor and Tidus's left foot.

Tidus looked down and frowned picking up the black pants he had been standing on. After dusting them off a bit he threw them at Riku who caught them without blinking.

"Those are clean?"

Tidus asked with a dubious tone. Riku stood from his bed and slipped into his pants.

"They were before you stepped on them."

Rolling his eyes Tidus watched Riku pick up a blue shirt slipping it on. Tidus crossed his arms.

"Whatever"

Was his indignant reply at being blamed for dirtying his friends clothing. If Riku had put his clothes away he wouldn't have stepped on them. He heard Riku laugh, that deep light laugh he only heard when Riku was completely at ease.

"Now you sound like Leon"

The look Tidus gave him made Riku laugh even more and soon he was down on his bed holding his stomach. Tidus only glared and waited for Riku to calm down.

"Gee thanks. Just don't let him hear you call him that"

Riku sat up chuckling lightly. He was sure Squall wouldn't mind if he called him Leon, he never had. Now that he thought about it, he was the only one who could call Squall, Leon without living to regret it. He dismissed the thought not thinking anything of it.

"Sure. Now are you going to help me? Or are you just going to walk around dirtying my things?"

Looking around the room Tidus realized there wasn't much to clean. Riku had just taken all his belonging out of the boxes, but they were all neatly organized in piles. The shirts with the shirts, the jeans with the jeans, his books in another corner and various other things.

"Actually this looks like a lot of work"

He lied.

"Can't work on an empty stomach. Lets go get some breakfast my treat"

Riku was about to argue about his room not being messy. But decided Tidus was right he couldn't work on an empty stomach.

"If you insist. Lead the way"

/

/

The campus was big, Riku noted, he had been lucky he hadn't gotten lost looking for his dorm. Tidus however, seemed completely familiar with his surroundings. Of course he was he had started a year earlier, actually Riku had started a year later.

It wasn't because he had taken a break after high school, it was for the fact he had been held back a year due to his condition. He hadn't minded too much, he and Tidus always kept in touch and Tidus had always came home for holidays to stay with his family and visit Riku.

After Riku had graduated a year after Tidus, he had decided to attend the same university. His choice had not been based on the fact Tidus was there, that had been a mere coincidence. His reason however were psychological literally, he wanted to study psychology and that was the best place to learn with out having to move too far away from his parents.

His parents did not like having him too far away. They never said anything but he could feel it, he knew however that he could not always live by what his parents wanted of him. Right now though he was letting them get adjusted to having him away. He planned on transferring in a year. By then his parents should have learned to cope with not having him around.

It made him feel guilty in away. But he knew it was for the best in the long run. He could not be with them forever as much as they wanted him to. They had become very protective of him after his accident. A little too protective for Riku's taste.

They needed to accept he could take care of himself. They needed to accept he did not need them to watch over him every second. He was the one responsible for his life for his choices whether they were good or bad.

"We'll just eat in here or do you feel like walking into town?"

Riku blinked looking over at Tidus it took him a while to register what Tidus had asked.

"Um no here is fine"

The university though big was in a small town, which was a fifteen minute walk from campus. It seemed like it had been set up specially for the student. Riku had seen on his way there many deli shops, cafes, bookstores and other places where the student body could go and relax. But he did not feel like walking in to town as Tidus had put it, the university restaurant would be fine.

/

/

After eating their breakfast, they headed back to Riku's dorm. To pick up his so called mess.

Things were going slow and Riku caught Tidus glaring at him from time to time. Tidus was not a very patient person and Riku was a very organized person. Which meant unfortunately for Tidus that Riku took his time putting his things away making sure everything was where he wanted things to be.

Three hours of silence later, Tidus's patience wore off.

"Ahh Riku just shove everything in there, when you want something just dig it out"

Riku only shook his head. Thinking how useless that would be. Not to mention frustrating, knowing he had something in his closet but being unable to see where. He hated that feeling of misplacement.

Tidus glared at Riku who had put on a thoughtful expression and his glared softened. Tidus remembered a time when Riku had not been so keen on organization . A time when Riku's room had looked worse than it had that morning, but that had been a time before his accident.

As much as Riku hated to admit it his accident had changed him. Now he could not stand the thought of not knowing where things were. Where as before he could have cared less.

It was all psychological Tidus thought. Riku couldn't remember his accident therefore he tried as much as he could to control everything else he could remember. Where he placed his clothing for example or where he left his books. Tidus noticed how Riku always made an extra effort to remember places and peoples names.

It was all subconsciously though Riku had yet to make the connection to his accident. Or perhaps he had, and only pretended not too. Tidus noticed Riku could be quite convincing when he wanted. Maybe that was the real reason he was studying psychology. Not because he had a real interest in the field, but because he wanted to better understand himself. Without anyone else telling him what to feel. Tidus sighed. His friend still had a lot of things to resolve.

"Never mind you're hopeless"

Riku blinked, looking up from where he was putting away his socks in a drawer. Tidus was standing on his bed arranging his books on a long shelf above his bed. Riku smiled, for someone who was so impatient Tidus was surely taking his time arranging his books in alphabetical order by title, as if it mattered to Riku. Though he wouldn't burst Tidus's bubble by telling him he really didn't mind how his books were arranged, after all it was the thought that counted.

"It easier this way. Instead of digging for clean and wrinkled clothing I can just pull out clean wrinkle free clothes."

That was his explanation. Tidus only shrugged.

"Whatever"

Chuckling Riku slammed the drawer closed and turned leaning on the dresser crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"That's twice in a day you've said that, you really are starting to sound like Squall"

"I do not!"

Tidus shouted.

"What's this the happy couple having an argument?"

A tall brunette walk through the door with out bothering to knock. Squall was breathtakingly beautiful that was the only way Riku would ever describe him as. His skin was a beautiful milky color which looked like fine porcelain. his hair was a light brown that with the sun light reflected lighter highlights. His eyes however were what Riku liked best, they were a sort of grayish blue, which turned darker almost like a storm cloud when he felt any emotions. Which was a great help since Squall was not a person who ever voiced or showed emotions much.

As much as Riku admire Squall's beauty he did not have any sort of romantic feelings for him. Squall was just a good friend. A very handsome friend who's flawless complexion was merely marred by a scar running from the right side of his nose and up diagonally to end a bit pass his left eye brow. Even that made him look more handsome.

When Tidus heard Squall he ignored the comment he had made and immediately jumped off the bed abandoning the task of arranging Riku's books. He ran to Squall and threw himself onto the other man circling his neck with his arms.

"Help me please! Riku's gone mad, mad I tell you! He's forced me to help him organize his room and we've been at it since ten. I need a break! Help me oh kind sir take pity on my poor soul"

Tidus said in an overly dramatic tone. Riku doubled over with laughter while Tidus fanned himself with his left hand pretending to be fainting. The only way they knew Squall found Tidus's antics the least bit amusing was by the small twitch of his upper lip and the relax expression he wore.

"Honestly Tidus, have you ever considered acting?"

Removing his arms from Squall Tidus stood up looking thoughtful.

"Actually I had but sadly I've realized people will only want me for my astounding beauty and not for my awesome acting talent"

Squall rolled his eyes. .

"Sure Tidus you keep telling yourself that"

Riku said shaking his head laughing. Tidus was about to reply when Squall interrupted him.

"So do you guys need help?'

Looking around the room Riku shook his head and pushed off of the dresser he had been leaning on.

"No actually I finished about half an hour ago, but Tidus looked so happy arranging my books in alphabetical order I didn't want to bother him"

"What?!"

Sensing an argument coming on Squall quickly took Tidus's attention away form Riku.

"Great than. What do you say Tidus and I show you around so you won't get lost you only have three days to memorize this place before classes begin"

Three days in three day he would be beginning his studies, he wasn't nervous in fact he was looking forward to it. He did however feel a little jealous of Tidsu and Squall who had already been there a year. And unlike Riku who's presence at the university had been mere coincidence with Tidus's, Squall's had not, for Squall and Tidus where both studying the same thing, medical science.

"Yeah I wouldn't mind you guys showing me around, though I won't need three days to learn this place inside and out I have an excellent memory"

Riku said smugly. And it would have been so easy for Tidus or Squall to have made an off hand joke at that comment since Riku could not remember his accident and some other memories and therefore still had to visit the shrink a few times a year. Not Tidus nor Squall made any remarks.

They had done so once a long time ago when Riku had come back home that time had been one time too many. They had made an off hand comment about Riku's memory lapse. Riku had been rather upset and did not speak to them for weeks.

It had taken a lot of apologizing on their behalf to get Riku talking again. It was only after that when Riku told them the whole story, everything that had happened to him and not being able to remember his accident. Therefore Squall and Tidus understood Riku's accident and memory were delicate subject not to be taken lightly.

"Yeah too bad not all of us can say that. Right Tidus?"

Tidus glared at Squall. Thinking that was not a fair thing to say the campus was big it wasn't his fault he had missed all his morning classes the firs week.

"Shut up _Lee-on_"

Tidus said stretching out the syllables to annoy Squall even more. Squall's expression was serious and he took a step towards Tidus.

"Come on you two I don't want to see blood on my freshly cleaned room"

Riku said swinging an arm around Squall's shoulders turning him away from Tidus and steering him towards the still opened door. Tidus followed them out an fell into step on Riku's other side.

/

/

After showing them his schedule and after Tidus had stopped laughing they had shown him around to where all his classes were located. That's when he saw the reason Tidus was laughing at him. Apparently all his classes were located in different buildings and he would have to walk or more like run from one building to the next to get to his next classes since he only had about ten minutes between classes, he was glad that was only on Mondays and Wednesdays though.

When they were done showing him his classrooms, they had shown him around the school and had introduced him to some of their friends they had bumped into. Almost two hours later they were outside on the campus lawns walking back to the building where the dorms were.

Riku walked slowly taking it all in, there were people walking outside some reading some carrying things towards their dorms, and some getting tours like he was. There was an air of relaxation mixed with excitement of new students and it felt great.

"Now we'll show you where our dorms are so you can come and visit us. Though we'll probably visit you more than you visit us since _we _have roommates"

Tidus finished cringing at the word roommates. He shook his head recovering quickly.

"What I want to know though is how you got your own room? I mean that's almost impossible, especially for new students"

Riku was quiet for a moment, he looked ahead. Tidus and Squall waited patiently for him to answer as they made their way across the lawn to the dorms. Riku could see the entrance now there were two foot bushes on either side of the long wide stairs that led to the double doors to the dorms. He saw they would have to either jump over the bushes or walk around to the foot of the steps and climb up it really wouldn't matter. Nothing mattered except the fact he didn't want to answer Tidus's question.

"Because I still ..."

"Hey Squall!"

They stopped and Riku almost sighed in relief. They turned and saw a girl waving at Squall beckoning him to come. Squall only shook his head and heaved a defeated sigh.

"You guys go ahead I'll catch up"

Riku and Tidus did a double take. That was very un-Squall like . It was apparent Squall didn't want to talk to the girl and when Squall didn't want to do something he wouldn't.

"What's this Squall Leonhart has a girlfriend?"

Tidus suggested trying not to drop to the ground and die of laughter. Squall only glared at him.

"Don't be stupid, you know very well she's my cousin and if I don't speak to her, mother will give me hell. However I could always tell her a friend of mine is interested in her and she would never bother me again. Trust me when I tell you she is very annoying."

Squall said giving Tidus a pointed look leaving no room to wonder who the friend he was talking about would be. Tidus knew only too well how annoying Squall's cousin was just as much as he knew the girl liked him. Too bad for her he preferred the company of men any day and Squall knew that.

"You wouldn't"

"Wouldn't I?"

And Squall walked away leaving Tidus to wonder and Riku to suppress his laughter.

"Come on. You know he wouldn't really do that to you"

Riku said draping an arm around Tidus's shoulder and began walking again.

"Wouldn't I?"

Tidus said mocking what Squall had said. Riku smiled hearing Tidus mumble something which sounded suspiciously like 'sadistic bastard'.

They were nearing the bushes and it looked like they were going to jump over them. Suddenly a flash of bright orange whizzed by followed by a shout.

"Hey Tidus throw it back will ya!"

There was a boy on the other side of the stairs a good nine yards away from them. Tidus looked to where the frisbee had landed and groaned. The frisbee had traveled quite far, but Tidus nodded in the direction of the boy anyway.

"Hang on let me get Wakka's frisbee and I'll introduce you guys"

Riku nodded and watched Tidus walk to retrieved the frisbee, half way there however he stopped to pet a golden retriever Riku smiled. If there was something Tidus loved it was dogs. His friend shouted at him and Tidus stood up signaling him to calm down and began walking towards the frisbee the dog now tagging his footsteps jumping up and down excitedly.

All of sudden he felt it, felt something behind him, Riku frowned. It was a strange feeling almost as if someone was calling him. And than he heard it.

"Sora hurry up!"

No way! Riku's eyes went wide. There was no way, Sora was a common enough name, to have there was no way. But all feelings inside were telling him to turn. So he did.

Very slowly he turned around holding his breath, he saw a girl she was carrying boxes and she had stopped and was looking back at her other companion. Riku let his gaze travel to where the girl was looking.

There standing a few stairs down was another girl who was also carrying some boxes, but Riku could have cared less about the girl she could have been carrying an elephant an he would not have noticed. He was focused on the person next to her.

"Do you really need all this stuff?"

It was his voice. Riku's breath caught in his throat and he felt his heart beating faster, the girl who was standing next to the boy shrugged and moved forward leaving him free to see the boy next to her whom she had been blocking from Riku's view with her form.

"Do you really have to ask?"

Though Riku didn't hear the girls words nor did he see her making her way up the stair all he saw was the boy. It wasn't his moppy head of hair which made Riku hold his breath his palm sweat and his heart beat furiously it was what the boy did next. He smiled.

At that moment time slowed to an almost stand still. The boy had smiled and not only did Riku recognize the smiled but also the eyes that light up with joy. He watched as the boy gave a small nod.

"I guess not"

And he began walking with that jubilant air only he possessed. Not only did Riku know that smiled and those eyes he also knew now beyond a doubt who they belong to. Sora. Sora was there a few feet away from him. As the thought registered in his head Riku began feeling dizzy.

Sora was right in front of him he had finally found Sora. But Sora had not been real? Riku shook his head, remembering that had only been lies told to him by his psychiatrists only he knew the truth. Sora was real and standing a few feet in front of him.

Sora was real. Riku felt his breathing increase he needed to confirm this was not another dream. He stretched his right hand forward wishing he could reach Sora. He needed to touch him, he needed to know Sora was real.

His mouth opened to speak but no words came out. He felt hot so hot, he felt his heart pounding in his head he couldn't breathe. Everything around him was closing in, trapping him. Making him feel claustrophobic.

The ground beneath him was melting Riku didn't care he kept watching as Sora walked up the stairs. He felt completely paralyzed. His mouth had gone dry and all he could do was watch as Sora walked away.

"Come on Sora!"

"I'm coming Kairi"

At those words Riku felt his knees give and he fell to the ground feeling his eyes rolled to the back of his head. Again he was embraced by darkness. This time however he knew it would be alright. He had found Sora.

Demak: You're so mean to Riku.

Jin: Isn't it great?

Cardel: Hi all well Sora's in. What did you think? Sad I bet. Riku's got issues.

Jin: Isn't it great?

Cardel: (rolls eyes) Whatever. Hmm this chapter wasn't meant to be this long. (shrugs) Oh well don't forget to review. Bye guys.


	4. Who's Real

Disclaimer; I own nothing.

Pairing: Riku/Sora

Rating: R, though for later chapters

A/N: I updated go me, go me. Err sorry now on with the story.

/Ch.4/

Reaching the freesbee Tidus picked it up and turned with a smile that quickly fell from his face as he saw Riku extended a hand as if reaching out for something and than fall to the ground.

"Riku!"

Freesbee forgotten Tidus jogged quickly to Riku. Falling to his knees he kneeled next to Riku and froze. Panic took over his body. What was he suppose to do now? This was not the first time Riku had ever fainted in front of him, in fact he had been know to have frequent fainting spells just after his accident, but every time Squall had been with him.

That however had been years ago. Riku hadn't had any fainting spells in years and this was the first time he had fainted in front of Tidus, who was at a loss. Tidus felt himself start to shake, Riku seemed so lifeless lying in the ground, just like when he had been in a comma. So dead. Closing his eyes briefly Tidus tried to gain a hold on his emotions. He wasn't going to be any help to Riku if he started to panic.

Slowly he lifted Riku's head into his lap and tapped his cheek gently.

"Riku. Hey."

He whispered. Just than Wakka jumped over the bushes and knelt next to Tidus looking with concern at the boy he held in his lap.

"Is he going to be alright? Should I go get help?"

Again Tidus stated down at Riku's motionless body in his arms and felt another wave of panic coming on. _Squall where are you? _Closing his eyes he opened his mouth to answers Wakka's question but was cut off.

"That won't be necessary?"

Hearing that voice made every muscle in his body relax and Tidus opened his eyes to see Squall kneeling next to Riku. Worry written all over his face. Squall was there he would know what to do.

Unlike Tidus Squall appeared calm, he took Riku's wrist and moved his fingers over to he inside of the wrist to take Riku's pulse. Taking a count he frowned and leaned closer to Riku, lifting one eyelid open than the other. With a small nod he straighten a bit.

"Riku!"

He called out tugging a little on Riku's arm. Tidus bit his lip, looked down at Riku and gently brushed some hair out of his face. He sighed, here he was the one studying to become a doctor and at the first sight of problems he panicked. Those thought quickly fled his mind as he felt Riku stir.

Wakka was amazed by what he was seeing, from the looks of things it seemed this Riku had a tendency to faint, seeing as how Squall knew exactly what to do. He looked up from the slowly waking boy, to the people around. He was glad they hadn't attracted a crowd people probably just thought they were goofing off. He turned his gaze back to Riku.

Slowly Riku's eyes began to flutter open and than suddenly his eyes snapped open and he bolted up to a sitting position. Riku didn't take any of his surrounding in, he looked around frantically his eyes searching for something, his breathing ragged.

"Hey, there not so fast"

Riku heard nothing.

"Where's …?"

The question died on his lips as he felt familiar hands push him back down. His head made contact with strong legs and he wonder why he was on the ground starring up at Tidus with a frowning Squall kneeling next to him. And than he remembered.

"Sora"

It was a small whisper, quiet but not quiet enough so that the three people kneeling next to him didn't hear. Wakka hear but thought nothing of it. Tidus heard and so had Squall. They looked at each other both wearing a confused and worry look. Squall frowned and looked down at Riku.

"How are you feeling?"

It was Squall, who was again taking his pulse with a small frown on his face. Riku closed his eyes. He had fainted. Damn it, now he had more problems to worry about. He now had to convince Squall and Tidus he was fine or else they would most likely call his parents. He just hoped they hadn't heard him call out for Sora.

By the looks of it thought that seemed unlikely. Every time Riku mention Sora all hell would break loose. Squall and Tidus always seemed uncomfortable when he mentioned Sora. And he knew it was because his friends knew he didn't really believe Sora was not real, but only told that to the psychiatrists and the doctors. And for some reason Squall really seemed to have a problem with that.

"I'm fine Squall."

Finally Squall released his wrist seemingly satisfied with his heart rate and his now normal breath in take.

"Are you sure you don't want me to go get any help?"

Wakka asked and for the first time Riku took in the person kneeling on his other side. Riku gave him a weak smile. Wakka smiled back.

"No I'm fine. I'm Riku by the way"

Riku said extending his hand for Wakka to take.

"Wakka"

He said shaking Riku's hand.

"Don't worry about Riku, Wakka, he'll be fine, he just needs rest."

"So what are you a doctor?"

Wakka than asked Squall. Riku chuckled.

"Not yet."

With that he stood up and reached down to help Riku get to his feet. As soon as Riku's head was off his lap, Tidus stood up dusting off his clothes.

"Are you okay Riku?"

Riku nodded trying to fight down a wave of slight dizziness and managed to smile at Tidus who was looking more miserable than he felt.

"Yeah"

"Come on lets get you to your room."

Squall said. Riku nodded and was glad neither Squall or Tidus tried to help him walk. Than again his friends knew better, that would have only made him feel weak, which he wasn't.

"If you need anything"

Turning around Riku saw Wakka place a hand on Tidus's shoulder to get his attention.

"Just let me know."

And than slowly that hand slid down Tidus's arm almost like a caress. Riku saw Tidus shift slowly as if nervous than blush slightly. Riku thought it was a bit strange but gave no more thought to the matter. Tidus only nodded and began walking with Squall and Riku again.

The walk to his room was short and for that Riku was glad. He didn't like the uncomfortable silence that had fallen between them. He didn't feel like explaining himself or anything. He only wanted to be alone with his thoughts.

As soon as he opened the door to his room Riku slumped on the bed face up throwing an arm over his eyes.

"Thanks guys I really appreciate it"

"Riku what happened?"

Tidus asked. Riku threw the arm off his face and sat up his feet touching the floor gaze down . It seemed his friends weren't going to drop the subject that easily. Riku looked up. Tidus was standing at the foot of his bed and Squall was leaning on the closed door arms crossed across his chest an unreadable expression on his face. Riku sighed.

"I don't know I just got a little dizzy that's all. I promise I'm fine"

They all knew without asking what the last word meant. It meant Riku didn't want to talk to his parents or see a doctor or talk about the situation any more. Tidus shifted his weight from one foot to the other, something he only did when nervous.

"Riku I really think you should tell your parents"

Surprisingly it was Squall who made the suggestion that had been at the tip of Tidus's tongue. Riku closed his eyes and shook his head. When he opened his eyes again Tidus saw in them the reason he had hesitated to make that suggestion himself. Riku looked tiered and lost and he didn't want to further aggravate his friend.

"No! I'm telling you guys I'm fine. If it happens again I'll call them hell I'll even call my doctors!"

Riku snapped his patience wearing thin. Squall wanted to protest but knew better, Riku was old enough to make his own decisions. Besides if his fainting phase decided to return he was confident enough Riku would do something about it, after all his friend wasn't stupid, he knew better than anyone the consequences.

"All right, don't take it the wrong way Riku. You just…scared us."

Hearing the confession he was certain had been difficult for Squall to utter Riku let himself relax. His friends were just worried for him, but he would be fine. Or at least he hoped he would be.

"I know, I'm just tired. I think I really need some rest."

With that he again let his body fall back onto his bed and he closed his eyes. Squall however wasn't so ready to drop the subject.

"Riku…"

Squall had pushed off of the door and took a step to Riku's bed until he stood next to Tidus. Tidsu turned slightly towards Squall, touching his hand slightly, shaking his head. Tidus knew what Squall wanted to ask but he also knew Riku was more confused and upset over his feeling than they were. Riku needed time to collect his thoughts, right now the only way they could help him was by leaving.

"Not right now."

Tidus mouthed to Squall and then turned his gaze to Riku who's eyes were still closed. Squall turned from Tidus's face to Riku and slowly nodded in agreement.

"Okay Riku, get some rest we'll see you in the morning."

"Sure."

Riku heard Squall and Tidus move and seconds later he heard the click of his door closing. Once Tidus and Squall had left, Riku opened his eyes, he was now alone left to contemplate his own feelings.

He could tell by the tone of Squall's voice he had been about to ask about what he had uttered earlier. Which meant he was wrong Squall and Tidus had heard him. In all honesty he could never understand why Squall was so bothered whenever he mentioned Sora. Even if it was to deny him.

That was reason number one to not tell his friends he had seen Sora today. But than again… Had he actually seen Sora? He shook his head trying to rid himself of the doubt. He knew what he had seen.

The question now bothering him was, had Sora seen him? Before he saw Sora he had actually felt him. He had felt a tug as if someone was pulling his head in the direction Sora was standing willing him to turn.

What he didn't understand and bothered him to no end was the fact Sora had not seen him. Why was he the only one to be able to feel Sora's presence? Couldn't Sora feel or sense him too? Was the bond Riku felt they shared not as deep as he had thought it was.

And than another thought occurred to him. What if that hadn't even been his Sora? Riku felt his heartbeat speed up and his breathing becoming more rapid.

What if he had really just imagined Sora. And the Sora he had seen today was not he Sora he believed he knew. Riku now gasped trying to catch his breath as small drops of perspiration appeared on his forehead and he knew soon he would start hyperventilating if dint' get a hold on his emotions, he closed his eyes.

If he considered the possibility that the Sora he had seen today was not the Sora he believed he knew than that meant that meat his Sora had never really. He shook his head furiously trying to catch his breath and rid his head of that thought. No that couldn't be a possibility he could not have possibly have made up Sora in his mind. Sora was real and he had seen him today with Kairi.

At that thought Riku's eyes snapped opened and he stared wide eyes at he ceiling.

"Oh my God Kairi too!"

All of a sudden it was too much to take. He had known all along Sora was real their adventures might not have been but he knew Sora was a real person. Just like he knew Squall and Tidus were real people too. However he had never considered the possibility of Kairi being real after all he had never met her.

Than again he had never met Sora either. But that was different he could actually feel Sora, feel himself bonded to the other, but where Kairi was concerned. When it came to Kairi, Riku was as sure she was as real as their adventures.

Today however he was proven very wrong not only had he seen Sora but he had also seen Kairi. Instead of that thought aggravating him it only served to strengthen his belief. Not only was Sora real but he had also seen him today for the first time. In their real world.

One thing however still remained unanswered.

"If Kairi is real too, than who else is?"

With a groan Riku turned on his stomach burying his face on the pillow. Things were turning out more complicated than he first thought. He had a feeling there was much more to his predicament than there appeared to be.

Somehow, he didn't know why or how, but somehow he knew Sora had the answers.

There was just no way that Kairi and Sora were people his psychiatrists said he'd made up. When he had in fact seen them today that was too much of a coincidence. If there had ever been any doubt in his mind it had certainly been extinguished today. Now all he needed to do was find Sora again and talk to him.

He mentally scoffed that was easier said than done.

"What if he doesn't know who I am and just thinks I'm a nut case?"

Riku mumbled into his pillow he was feeling tired so tired to even contemplate the possibility even more. His eyes lids were feeling rather heavy and slowly he gave into the emotional exhaustion and let himself drift off to sleep

White bright light. It hurt his eyes, he stood in a long corridor with walls painted white the floor underneath his bare feet was cold and he shivered. The bright light reflected off the white tiles. Riku squinted and looked at his surroundings.

All around him were white doors with no windows and no numbers on the door. Taking a closer look revealed no door knobs on the doors or any sort of marking to distinguish them from the other.

"Where am I?"

The lights flickered for a second and his voice echoed eerily off the walls. In his mind he knew he was dreaming, but he knew it wasn't his dream he was in.

He wasn't sure how he knew but for some reason he felt as if he were walking in someone else's dream. Before he gave more thought to that idea he heard a voice.

"It's okay. You did very well today."

The voice was not familiar but he felt at ease hearing it's soothing sound. Slowly he walked forward trying to find the source of the voice. The corridor was long and seemed to stretch on forever and Riku was sure if he tried to run to find the end it would never happen. So instead he turned his attention to the walls on the corridor seeing nothing but his own reflection on their dark surface.

Trying a door he found it locked. A few doors later he finally found a window which was lit. There on the other side of the glass was a boy sitting on a chair his back was to him and a man who was writing something down on a clipboard. He was dress in a white doctors uniform so Riku assumed the man as such. The man looked up and smiled at the boy in the chair.

"Ready to go home?"

The boy in the chair nodded but did not speak. The man smiled again and for some reason his tone of voice reminded Riku of Dr. Yeo. The boy stood from the chair and walked forward to the door a few feet away form him.

Before his hand could reach the door it opened. The lights above Riku's head flickered again just as another doctor, so Riku assumed, entered the room.

Fear. That was the emotion wrapping around Riku. Utter fear for the man who had just stepped through the door. He didn't know who the man was and he couldn't even see his face. The boy in the room took a step back. That's when Riku realized he was feeling what he boy was feeling. The emotion was so strong.

"And where are you going?"

It was a cold heartless voice which spoke with great authority. Riku saw the boy begin to shake but before the man could take another step towards the boy the other doctor spoke.

"He's done for the day."

The voice of the doctor which had seemed so soothing now spoke as if challenging the other. With an equal level of authority.

"Is he now?"

Confused and scared the boy looked between the two men. Clearly at a lose of whom he should listen to. Riku felt the boy wanted to leave but was rooted in place due to the fear he had for the man in front of him.

"He is."

Walking forward the man placed a gentle hand on the frightened boy, in an attempt to sooth him. And Riku felt himself relax, or more like felt the boys emotions as he relaxed.

"Go on. We'll see you next week."

And with out another words the boy left the room. As soon as the boy exited the room and the door closed behind him the room was once again flooded in darkness and the window disappeared.

Riku took a step back. A door opened somewhere down the hall. Hesitating only for a second Riku began walking towards the sound of the door opening. Stopping a few doors down he saw another white unmarked, knob less door which was now a jar. Taking a deep breath he stepped through.

As soon as he was on the other side of the door it vanished and he was standing on a somewhat familiar empty street.

"What is going on?"

Suddenly he knew he was no longer in someone else's dream but he was now in his own dream.

The sun was bright he blinked and closed his eyes briefly when he opened them again the street was crowded now cars were coming down the street speeding by rapidly. People were walking down the sidewalk quickly. Everything seemed to be moving at super speed.

Something was wrong, something besides the fact that he was standing in the middle of the busy street. Cars were going by so fast they were a mere blur and the people on the sidewalk all seemed to be wearing black. Riku knew something bad was going to happened he could feel it in his skin.

Time slowed. The cars that had been zooming at incredible speeds were now crawling slowly past him. The people on the streets had stopped walking and were now all staring at him.

Riku looked around him wildly. What was happening. Something was wrong, something bad. He heard a shout.

"LOOK OUT!"

Riku turned. His eyes widen as he stood frozen in place a car speed rapidly towards him closer and closer it would kill him there was no doubt.

"AHHHH!"

Breathing heavily Riku bolted up to a sitting position on his bed. It was dark so dark. Why was it so dark?

Where was the car the staring people. Taking deep breaths he slowly remembered where he was. His eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness he was still panting and he could feel his t-shirt clinging to his body with sweat.

Bringing a hand to his face he closed his eyes. A dream. That was all a dream. After a few minutes his breathing returned to normal as did his heartbeat, or so he assumed since he couldn't feel his heart trying to leap out of his chest any longer. He turned his head to the bedside clock. It was three A.M. he let out a long sigh letting his body fall back on the bed.

That dream had been so strange. Had he been dreaming about his accident? If that was so it was the first time. It had certainly left him shaken Perhaps there was a reason he couldn't remember his accident. Perhaps it was his brain's feeble attempt at keeping him form reliving a very horrible experience.

Sighing Riku closed his eyes. He always thought better with his eyes closed. He found it easier to concentrate on his thoughts that way. With his eyes closed he only saw darkness where he could give shape to any thoughts he had in mind. Which reminded him of something else, before he had started dreaming about the empty street he had been dreaming about a boy. That boy, the boy who was in that room, who was that boy? And who were those men?

Riku shook his head. What was becoming of his life? Why did he feel that every question he ever had could be answered by remembering the few seconds when his body was struck by that car and sent into unconsciousness for a year?

Riku knew very well he would not find the answerers to those questions behind his close eye lids he knew that all too well. Had spent countless sleepless nights thinking of those questions with out getting anywhere. He knew he would not find any answers at the moment.

So trying once again and hoping he wouldn't dream again. He tuned to his side and willed himself to sleep. His body needed rest and so did his mind. Tomorrow or later today didn't matter he would mull about his dreams and the questions they brought, but he knew finding an answer to those question was too much to hope for.

Perhaps wishing smaller would help, like maybe hoping to see Sora again soon. He scoffed mentally. He wasn't that lucky. It was more likely his dream had been a premonition and he would be hit by a car again. Yep that sounded about right. He chuckled low in his throat.

He knew he needed sleep when thoughts of an impending horrible doomed became funny. Besides he was not an optimists at three in the morning. After a few hours of sleep definitely. And so he slept tomorrow he would think.

/CHAPTER END/

Cardel: I really love this story.

Jin: For once I have to agree. The angst it's just beautiful

Demak : Whatever

Cardel: I just really wish I had more time to update but I try. Right now I'm on Christmas break yay! No classes until January the ninth

Jin: Since when do you like Christmas

Cardel: I said Christmas break, it'll hopefully give me time for another update.

Demak: /scoff/ Right.

Cardel: Shut up and aren't you always on my side?

Demak: Not when you do angst.

Jin: It could be words we could have Riku totally mental and suicidal with a liking for cutting or

Cardel: Alright I think he gets it. Now to the readers thanks for being so patient and I know this chapter didn't really answer any questions but I hope you still like it. Well happy holidays

Damak: Merry Christmas!

Jin: ……..


	5. Rude Awakening

Disclaimer; I own nothing.

Pairing: Riku/Sora

Rating: R, though for later chapters

A/N: I'm so sorry for the super late update, but like they say better late than never. Enjoy!

/Ch. 5/

Today was the day Riku started his classes. It had been three days since he had fainted, Squall and Tidus had, thankfully, not brought up the subject again. Nor did it appear they had heard him speak Sora's name, because if they had they would surely have let him know by now. As it was things continued as if nothing had happened and for that Riku was glad.

"So, how about we meet up for lunch? Say around twelve?"

The question brought Riku back to the present. Tidus and Squall were walking next to him, getting ready to depart to their own class. Taking a quick look at his schedule Riku noticed, twelve was not a good time for him.

"Can't. I have class from 11:50 to 1:20."

Tidus frowned, reached for Riku's schedule and saw no opening were they could meet. He sighed.

"Okay than we'll just meet up later."

Riku nodded in agreement.

"Alright I'll see you later."

"Have fun!" Squall said with a small smile.

They went their separate ways, all of Riku's previous thoughts were pushed to the back of his mind as he concentrated on finding his classroom. When he did, he entered the room to find some people were already there. The classroom was big but considering the number of students it was understandable. Riku took a seat in the middle rows and waited patiently for class to begin.

First class went well, but as predicted by Tidus, Riku had been late to evey single one of his classes with the exception of the first class. For that reason Riku wasn't too surprised or even upset that upon entering his last class of the day he noticed he was ten minutes late. His teacher a man who looked in his late forties barely spared him a glance, before calling out to him.

"Name?"

"Meneke, Riku Meneke. " Riku replied looking for an empty seat in the half-full or half-empty classroom, depending how one looked at it.

"Take a seat Mr. Meneke you haven't missed much." He said to Riku, than addressed the class. "Okay class I know you've been doing this in all you're classes and one more will not kill you. Take a card jot down your name, major and anything you would like to share with the class, I know it's a pain, but don't groan I expect better from my studens. Besides it's a good way to get your classmates"

His tone was teasing and friendly, Riku decided he rather liked him. Taking the cards that had been handed to him from the person in front of him, Riku took one and passed the rest back.

After making small talk with a few people, all who were mildly interesting people, Riku became bored. Currently he was talking to a boy who was going to become a brain surgeon and had a penchant for sky diving. Neil, his professor, called time and pronounced it was time to switch persons again. Before he could look around to see who he could talk to next, he felt a light tap on his shoulder and he turned to see a little girl smile and pull up a desk close to his bumping his own desk.

"Hi I'm Selphie, I'm eighteen years old, I love this class, my favorite color is yellow, I have a puppy named Ceberus, I'm afraid of spiders. I hate hospitals and I'm majoring in Math that 's why I love this class. Your turn."

All that came out without taking pause. Riku was impressed he only knew one other person who could have said all that in one breath, he shook his head getting rid of his initial shock and chuckled. This girl seemed nice, she was short too, that's why he had thought she was a little girl, he thought best to not tell her that. She was smiling, that smile seemed very honest.

"My name is Riku, I'm nineteen, I'm majoring in Psychology, I hate hospitals too and you remind me of my friend Tidus, after one cup of double shot espresso and a chocolate bar. It is a pleasure to meet you Selphie."

The girl smiled cheerfully at him, shaking his hand. "Like wise Riku. So you're majoring in Psychology, I wouldn't have pinned you for that, a doctor maybe, or a jock are you a jock you like one?"

Blunt would do no justice to describe Selphie, but at least she seemed nice, plus she reminded him of Tidus.

"No actually I'm not, but enough about me, you like math so you're definitely the person to cheat of off." Riku winked, Selphie only smiled.

"Math is easy and if you keep smiling at me like that I'll do your tests too." She teased lightly, laughing letting Riku know she was just playing. "So where did you go to school Riku?"

"I grew up in Midgar but went to a private school called Hallow Bastion Preparatory ."

Selphie's eyes went wide with surprise. Riku didn't need to wonder about her expression he knew perfectly well the reputation the Bastion had, Hallow Bastion was a very prestigious school and had a reputation for only letting the best in, a reputation which Riku truly disagreed with, most of the people who went to the school truly did not deserve to be there. The school greatest strengths had always just been two things; the school's connections to even more prestigious universities ,and two the few students and teachers who truly excelled at what they did.

"Wow! Hallow Bastion Preparatory, but I those people were like mega geniuses how come you're not graduating already?"

For reasons unknown to Riku, he was finding Selphie's company very comforting and relaxing, it had been a long time since he had taken such an ease around a stranger. So Riku found Selphie's questions unobtrusive or perhaps it was the lack of resentment in her tone and genuine curiosity he sawn in her yes, that made him want to trust her. Or perhaps it was because she truly did reminded him so much of Tidsu, regardless the reason she made him feel at ease.

"I wouldn't say they're mega geniuses. The people at the Bastion have either parents who are very rich and can get them in the school, or parents with connections the schools needs, or are on scholarships and are there because they truly are smart and deserve to be there, unlike the spoiled scions and heirs."

Selphie looked thoughtful but not too surprised about Riku's revelation.

"So where do you fall into Riku?"

"Ahh well, a little bit of everything. I really wouldn't say all the people who go there are very smart there are ,however many, exceptions. The teachers are the same just more expensive and as to why I'm not graduating yet, well minor complications and I'm only slightly above average which is more than I can say for half of the students at the Bastion."

After that Riku had learned, Selphie had also lived in Midgar and had indeed been offered a scholarship to attend the Bastion since she was fourteen, saying they had been relentless. Riku understood why, and told Selphie that most to the students who got the awards and all the recognitions where there on scholarships, the school needed students like Selphie to maintain their reputation of high prestige.

"Why did you refused to go?"

"I didn't want to leave my friends." Was the simple answer Selphie gave him. Her expression became distant and a small smile played on her lips as if she were remembering some fond memory"

Selphie and Riku were so entranced in their conversation it came as somewhat of a shock when the professor called the class over and reminded them their next class was Wednesday today being Monday.

"It was fun talking to you Riku I hope we become friends outside of class too."

"Yeah I'd like that too, I'll even introduce you to Tidus I swear you're the girl version of him.

Selphie smiled and nodded.

/0o0/

"So, how did it go?"

Riku heard Tidsu ask, before he felt his friend's arm drape over his shoulders, and began walking next to him towards him dorm. Tidus was smiling at him his book bag slung over one shoulder. Riku smiled.

"Besides being late to every class not bad and I met someone very interesting today."

This seemed to stir Tidus's interest, he waved to someone down the hall and turned to Riku.

"Really? And who could be so interesting to capture your attention?"

"A girl version of you." Rku replied sounding smug.

"What!" Tidus replied with fake shock in his scandalized tone of voice. "No, no ,no ,no, no. See, you can't possibly mean there is someone out there, just as pretty, and witty, and smart and charming as I am. I am truly one of a kind, I resent that comment Riku, you have wounded me deeply."

Rolling his eyes Riku laughed poking Tidus on his ribs.

"Get over yourself. I meant personality wise I promised her I'd introduced you two. She's really nice even lived in Midgar too."

Tidus's only reply was a nod, he smiled while Riku talked about his day, lingering on his meeting with the girl version of him who went by the name of Selphie. Tidus could hardly believe Riku had felt so at ease with her, it had been a long time since Riku found someone he felt at ease with.

"Well that's great glad to see you haven't lost the good old charm. With that dazzling smile of yours I bet in no time you'll have yourself a girlfriend."

A girlfriend? How would he explain that to Sora. Riku chuckled at his own mental thought and shook his head lightly.

"I'm hungry lets go find Squall so we can go eat something."

With that effectively brushing off the subject of a girlfriend. Which did not go unnoticed by Tidus, he knew it wasn't quite his business, but Riku's sexual orientation or lack there of had always been a question to him and even Squall.

Riku had never had a girlfriend, never shown interest in any girl, Tidus got too curious for his own good and had asked Riku if he was gay. Reassuring his friend that if that was the case he didn't have worry about him jumping him, because really, Riku wasn't his type. Riku of course had only laughed and had somehow or another been able to avoid the subject completely just like he had a second ago, the sneaky bastard. Tidus however had leaned to accept that behavior from Riku so he let the subject drop. Besides he had more important things to worry about like food.

/0o0/

Next morning Riku had three classes, he had a two hour gap between his second and last class which was perfect to grab lunch with Tidus and Squall. Riku went to his first class which passed without a hitch unfortunately the same couldn't be said for his second class where he walked in ten minutes late, cursing the grandeur of the campus.

Any worry that he might have had, however, quickly evaporated when a quick glance around the room revealed no teacher in sight. The classroom looking like a tiny version of a stadium, the seats rose on steps wrapping in half circle around the room facing the empty desk and board at the front.

Relaxing a little more Riku climbed to the seventh row, which was the last row in the classroom, and sat down. He noticed this classroom was not that big doing a quick head count , he came up with twenty students.

Five more minutes passed with a teacher-less classroom. The person in front of him suddenly stood up.

"Okay if there is no teacher I'm leaving."

No sooner were the words out of his mouth then a man looking in his mid thirties walked in smiling delightedly at the class.

"Ahh, glad to see you're all still here and that my little delay didn't discourage or encouraged you to leave. Which means two things one you have faith in me or two you have yet to hear about the, wait five minute for a no show teacher and than leave rule, which of course is a lie. But that's irrelevant and I digress. Good afternoon ladies and gentleman my name is Michael Brea, and I would appreciate it if you called me Michael, please."

All through out the professor's rant he had walked into the atrium, placed his leather suitcase on top of the desk and sat himself on the edge of said desk. He looked like he felt at home in the classroom, he continued on with his speech.

"I'll be telling you, what my goals are for this semester but first lets get introductions in. I'd like you to stand up and tell the class anything you'd like, you don't even have to say anything you don't please. Lets start in the back and work our way down."

And so introductions were made, Michael made small notes with each student which made Riku feel uncomfortable, it reminded him about his own therapy session which should've surprised him the teacher was after all his psychology teacher.

"Good now that, that's out of the way. You can get out of here and I'll be seeing you next class. Oh wait just one second." Every student froze in the middle of getting up, Michael smiled finding it amusing.

"Before I forget let me tell you that, I will be having an intern of sorts who will be here as much as his time allows. I would have liked him to have been here today, but he seems to have been detained. Next time perhaps, now let me pass out your syllabus and.."

A soft knock silenced Michael and someone walked in interrupting the class and the beating of Riku's heart. With a big smile Sora entered the room as if he owned it, sparing the class a grief glance before turning to Michael with an apologetic smile.

"I'm sorry I'm late Michael, we were kept a bit longer than we wanted."

Michael waved a hand in clear dismissal of his tardiness and turned to the class.

"Don't worry about it. Class I'd like you to meet Sora. Sora is, well you can call him my intern, now pleases I ask you to look beyond his age, for as I hope you know appearances can be deceiving. He'll be here assisting me with class as much as his time permits, Sora used to be a student of mine, very competent so feel free to come to him if you have questions."

Everyone in the classroom was eying Sora with curiosity, but it passed as they quickly brushed Sora off as some type of prodigy. Their attention returning to other things, all except for Riku who could feel his mouth going dry as if he had cotton balls stuck in his throat.

"Now you're free to go. Take a syllabus on your way out from Sora and If you don't mind telling him your name since he missed the introduction, have a good afternoon and read the first chapter of the book for next class"

Riku was in a state of shock in which his auto pilot took over his motor skills making him gather his things and stand up. He wasn't sure how he did it but next thing he knew he was behind two students both lined up to receive a syllabus form Sora, who smiled politely, Sora handed the girl in front of him a paper.

"Hi Sora, I'm Nicole"

"Hi nice to meet you."

She nodded and walked out leaving Riku face to face with Sora. Their eyes met, neither moved. Riku felt an overwhelming rush of emotions bombard his shocked mind, but his emotions came fast, too quickly to decipher exactly what he was feeling. He wanted nothing more than to throw himself at Sora hold him and tell him how much he had missed him, tell him all the horrible things the doctors had said to him. Wanted to know what had happened wanted to know how it was possible for him to be here at all. Most of all Riku just wanted Sora to hold him back and feel that the was indeed real and not a figment of his imagination.

Riku wanted, wanted so much it hurt, but he held back. Looking into Sora's eyes Riku saw Sora like Sora had always been, an open book. An open book Riku now wished he couldn't read so well. In Sora's face he saw no trace of recognition, no hit that Sora might be feeling the same things he was and that broke his heart and made him doubt for the first time his sanity.

Seeing Riku just standing there motionless, Sora's smiled faltered, his face becoming worried. Just like Riku remembered, and it hurt, because Sora was not worried about Riku he merely looked worriedly at a stranger. Riku had to leave, had to get away from Sora before he broke down, swallowing around the lump in his throat he spoke before Sora could ask him anything.

"Hi I'm Riku."

And even to himself his voice sounded heavy and dead. Sora however, didn't seem to notice and he was smiling again, handing Riku a syllabus.

"Hello Riku nice to meet you."

Just like Nicole before him Riku nodded and brushed pass Sora, willing his feet to move resisting the urge to break down in front of Sora. Human will, Riku decide, was the greatest mystery in the world. Riku didn't' stop walking until he reached his dorm room he stepped inside and gently closed the door and leaned back against the door sliding down to the floor feelings his legs could no longer support him.

"He didn't remember me."

The soft whisper resonated loudly in his ears. Riku forced himself to relax and clear his mind and think logically about the situation. What had he expected? What had he really wanted? Thinking about it Riku saw how ridiculous it had been for him to hope Sora would recognize him and know exactly who he was. However, unrealistic though, it didn't stop him from hoping and now it only hurt him to know Sora had no idea who he was.

Closing his eyes tightly Riku brought his knees up hugging them to his chest and he shivered. What was he going to do now? Did this mean the doctors had been right all along. No, Riku still refused to believe that. Sora was real, he just didn't remember Riku. Which was troubling and hurtful at same time.

If Sora didn't know who Riku was, had no memory of him than why did Riku know him, and not only him but Kairi too. There was something going on and he had to know what. He had to find out what this Sora was really like, if he was just like the Sora he remembered or if it was only an illusions that he loved.

Riku didn't believe in chance he didn't believe the Sora in his mind and the Sora now were different people, that would be to much of a coincidence to much left up to chance. He wasn't quite sure about the theory of probability but he could bet the probability of him dreaming up a person and said person actually existing were slime to none. And even though Sora seemed not to recognize him, he couldn't help but feel a warmth in his heart when he had been near Sora as if something missing had just been replaced. It felt right. He knew he had to do something, anything that would give him answers.

Sitting on the floor of his dorm room was, however, not going to help him at all. Standing up he inhaled deeply and just as he was about to exhale the door opened hitting him on the back and he went stumbling forward.

"Oops, sorry. I knew I should have knocked. Ready to grab something to eat?"

Tidus stood at the threshold looking sheepish rubbing the back of his head nervously, or maybe rubbing the sore spot were Squall had hit him for knocking Riku over. Riku sighed and quickly pushed his worries aside, no need to worry his friends with his problems. He smiled at Tidus and replied."

"I don't know. I think you might have fractured my back maybe I should place charges for

breaking and entering and attempt homicide. I even have a witness right Squall?"

Tidus rolled his eyes.

"Sending Tidus to jail, would be cruel, not even I would make criminalssuffer through having to listen to Tidus talk. That I believe is called cruel and unusual punishment and no longer legal." Squall said.

Instead of being upset Tidus reaction was to smile and throw his arm around Squall which look a little funny since Squall was slightly taller than Tidus.

"Aww, tell the truth Leonhart you just can't bear to be apart form me."

Riku laughed, at least one thing he could count on was his friends always being able to cheer him up. Even when they didn't know, he needed cheering up.

"Are you coming?" Squall asked a bit irritated.

"Of course, wouldn't miss it for the world"

/0o0/

After lunch Squall had to leave to his next class, Tidus and Riku still had time before their next class, so they walked back to the dorms. Walking back to the dorms was a quiet even. Which gave Riku time to think, which only have him a headache. He felt frustrated his thought returning to Sora. What was he going to do about Sora?

The only logical thing he could come up with was to watch Sora, which sort of disturbed him, he didn't want to become a stalker, that would truly hinder any progress he might make with Sora. But he saw that as the only option he had to see how Sora acted, had to look for any signs that might indicated Sora knew who Riku was. But if Sora knew who Riku was than why had he not said so. Suddenly it him like a ton of the proverbial bricks, he knew the answer.

It was for the same reason Riku hadn't said anything either. If Sora did indeed remember him than, he might think Riku did not. After all it would be strange for anyone to actually meet someone only seen in dreams, or something along those lines. The only problem was, Riku had not been dreaming he had been in a coma. Did that mean that Sora had been in a coma too? Agh too complicated.

All through out his internal blabber Riku hadn't even noticed he had stopped walking until Tidu splaced a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"Are you okay?"

The concern in his eyes made Riku feel guilty and sad. Guilty to worry his friend and sad he couldn't tell Tidus or Squall about his problems, he would, if only they believed him.

"Yeah I'm fine just thinking."

Tidus didn't believe that for a second he knew Riku was battling with some issues but Tidus's had never been the pushy one in their long years of friendship. That honor belong to Squall. So with practiced ease he let it slide keeping it in his mind to mention Riku's behaviro to Squall. Who would of course grill Riku until he got the truth. Satisfied with that solution he turned to teasing Riku.

"Well don't hurt yourself than."

Giving his thoughts once again to the back of his mind he smiled at Tidus and engaged his friend in friendly banter.

/0o0/

It was the dream again but not his, yet it felt strangely familiar. Briefly he worried at the frequency in which these dreams were occurring, but only briefly, before doing as before. He walked to the only lit window and saw a boy with his back to him standing motionless next to what seemed to be and empty bed. The setting seemed to be a hospital room, of that Riku was sure, he had spent more than enough time in the hospital to recognize one when he saw it. The boy was, Riku noticed, about to reach out when there was a soft sigh and a doctor cam into view.

"Here again?"

Instead of sounding reprimanding, the doctor spoke with a hint of sadness in his voice. The boy didn't reply he kept staring at the empty bed.

"You can't do anything to help. As much as I know you would like to."

Help? What were they talking about. The boy shifted his head a bit turning his gaze up towards the doctor as if talking to him, but there were no words to be heard. The doctor was nodding his head as if he could actually hear what the boy was saying. Riku tried to move closer but still he could hear nothing. Finally the doctor shook his head.

"No. It would be dangerous. Now come. You've lingered here enough."

The boy nodded and looked down at the bed one last time as they moved away, their features darkened and than they disappear. Unlike before the light in the room didn't dim and now Riku could see the bed was not empty, as he had fist believed it to be, there was someone in it.

Before he could get a good look he heard a loud noise. Unbearable noise he covered his ears with his hands, stumbling back from he window, Riku looked around for the source of the sound. Finding nothing he shut his eyes tightly in a vain attempt to shut out the noise. Through the noise he could also hear a different sound a voice a familiar voic. He concentrated on that voice, trying to place the owner.

A flash came behind his closed eyes and he saw green. Green eyes.

Snapping his eyes opened Riku saw green eyes staring back at him. A smile, the eyes were smiling at him. Who was this? Riku closed his eyes.

"Look Out!"

A warning. Snapping his eyes open he saw the car and felt the impact as it hit his body.

"Ahhh!"

Again he was drenched in sweat his breathing, was hard almost gasps. He looked around frantically, there was only darkness, everywhere there was only darkness. He couldn't see anything couldn't hear anything, but before panic could set in he spotted the window and registered the light shinning through, and now he saw the shadows the light was casting in his room.

His room. He was in his room it had been another nightmare. Riku took several deep breathes before calming down and lying back down on his bed. Miserable.

Why? Why was he having the dreams again? The first time he had, had the so called 'night terrors' was due to repressed shock from his accident, that what he had been told. The doctors had said in time and with the help of his psychiatrist he would be fine, and he had been. It had been so long since he had a nightmare. The difference now was, unlike the previous times, he could actually remember what they had been about. Regarding the boy and the doctor he was at a loss. But at least the parts that had been relevant to his accident he now had an idea on how to deal with them. It was time to pay Dr. Yeo an over due visit and demand some answers. Finally after a long time of contemplation he fell into a restless sleep.

/0o0/

/Chapter End/

Cardel: Hmm, mmm hmm.

Demak: Ah What are you doing?

Jin: Thinking, where do you think that burning smell is coming from.

Cardel: Hardy har-har. I was thinking but anyway. I really love this story but how was that chapter good or bad?

Jin: Delightful! Though we could have made Riku feel more wretched /smiles evily/

Damak: Gods you guys suck, poor Riku why couldn't he just hold his Sora and live happily ever after.

Cardel: Nope not in the plans.

Demak: You're just trying to confuse people.

Cardel/grins/ Only a little I know most of you guys have questions and they're good but I can't say anything right Jin.

Demak/pouting/

Jin/sighs/ I suppose you could give them one small hint.

Cardel: Wow this coming form you Jin are you losing you angst mojo/looks panicked/

Jin: No but you know _he _/points to Demak/ will just bitch and moan. So get on with it.

Cardel/shrug/ Okay well just know that Riku's dreams are crucial to the plot /smiles/.

Demak: Yada-yada-yada review so I can get to the happy part of the fic.

Jin: Happy part/looks through notes squint/ Err right happy part.

Cardel: Ja-ne.


	6. Descent into Madness

Disclaimer; I own nothing.

Pairing: Riku/Sora

Rating: R, though for later chapters

A/N: First of a special thanks to my those who reviewed and those who personally e-mailed me, you guys really know how to lay on a guilt trip, thanks. I needed that push to get me writing again. Now I could give you a lengthy apology the size of the chapter it's self, but I'll save you the torture of reading my excuses. Instead I'll summarize and say R/L takes priority most of the time. You know, nursing is a really intense field and between that and other classes and work and ahh (explodes).

Ahem anyway I do, however, apologize for the chapter, this is a lengthy, yet necessary, sort of, transition chapter. Not much goes on( in my opinion) this is basically a base for referral in later chapters so I hope you enjoy.

(0o0o0) equal secene change.

**/Ch 6/**

It was Friday afternoon the beginning of the weekend, Riku didn't have any Friday classes and neither did Squall or Tidus, who were in Riku's dorm, they insisted on being there, claiming having roommates sucked. Currently Riku was looking out the window of his room contemplating his reoccurring nightmares and what they meant while Tidus and Squall sat on the floor trying to study.

They had decided to get any homework done early so they could, show Riku the town during the weekend. As appealing as that had sounded to Riku, he would have to burst his friend's bubble, he had other things he had to take care of first. And he knew he was just being a coward by not telling his friends about his weekends plans, which was stupid since they would eventually find out anyway. Riku gave a deep sigh, which caught the attention of his two companions.

"Alright are you going to tell us what's bothering you or am I going to have to beat it out of you?"

Riku rolled his eyes at Squall's threat. He pushed away from the window and walked to the door, without looking back at his friends, he opened the door and stepped out.

"I 'm thirsty. I'm going to get something to drink."

With that he closed the door and began walking towards the common area where there were vending machines.

_I'm not running away._ Riku thought to himself, he just wanted to get a drink, oh who was he trying to fool? He didn't want to tell his friends about his weekends plans because he knew they would over react and he was already having problems, thinking up a way to get his parents not to over react, without adding his best friends to the mix.

Drink all forgotten Riku reached the common area, where the vending machines were, and sat on one of the navy couches. He leaned back placing his hands behind his head, closed his eyes and sighed. Absentmindedly he wondered how long it would take his friends to come for him.

"Riku?"

Right on cue, Riku thought and a smiled formed on his lips. Opening his eyes he saw Squall standing behind him looking down at him. Tidus had already come around the couch and sat next to Riku. Deciding now was as good a time as any to tell them he answered Squall's previous question.

"There is nothing wrong with me." He paused and before Squall or Tidus could protest he continued, "Nothing wrong that Yeo can't fix."

Squall frowned and came around. Instead of sitting next to Riku he sat on the arm rest propping one foot on the couch seat shifting his body to face the two boys on the couch.

With his eyes fixed on the ceiling above Riku was pointedly ignoring Squall's stare and the way Tidus, who was sitting next to him, had tensed.

"What does Dr. Yeo have to do with anything?"

Riku closed his eyes. So much for trying to stop the inevitable.

"I've… " Riku stopped, opened his eyes and sat up leaning forward resting his elbows on his legs entwining his fingers together, hair falling forward partly obscuring his face. "I've been having nightmares lately."

"Nightmares?"

It was Tidus who asked, his voiced sounding concerned. And he had reason to feel concerned for his friend. Riku had not had a nightmare in almost two years and now they were returning. That would not have been such a big surprise except for the fact, that apparently, the nightmares were returning with enough vigor to make Riku want to seek out his psychiatrists help.

"Except" Riku continued ignoring Tidus's worried tone. " I think they're actually about my accident."

"You remember, what the nightmares are about?"

Squall asked eyeing Riku carefully analyzing every move he made.

A grunt was all Riku gave before slumping back on the couch. His face now wearing a frustrated frown.

"I don't know and I'm just too tired of not remembering or remembering something and not knowing what it is that I'm seeing or if the memories of my nightmares are even relevant to actual events in my life."

The tone Riku was using was a desperate one and Squall did not like it.

"So what do youplan to do?" Tidus asked even though he already knew the answer to that question.

"What I should have done four years ago. Meet the guy responsible for the accident."

At those words Tidus felt panic rising in him. This was the very answer he had not wanted to hear. Riku didn't know, Riku couldn't find out. Tidus panicked and felt frustrated at the same time. Why Riku always insisted on doing things that could end up doing him more harm, was beyond him and he felt himself becoming angry with his best friend.

"Why? Why do you need to meet with him? You think he has all the answers just because he…"

Before Tidus could finish Squall gave him a look reminding him what a grave mistake he would be making if he continued with his angry vent. Knowing full well what the consequences would be if he continued, Tidus decided to stay silent.

Apparently oblivious to the silent communication between his friends Riku, stood up avoiding the gazes that followed him.

"Look I don't expect you guys to understand. But this guy, he knows something about me that I myself can't remember. Yeo and my parents didn't want me to meet him and back then I wasn't too eager nor interested in meeting him. But I feel as if I have prolonged the inevitable for far too long. I'm going home in a couple of hours. I'm staying the weekend and meeting with this guy, regardless of what anyone thinks, including my parents and you guys."

Inhaling deeply Tidus only nodded he may not understand what Riku felt but he knew nothing good was going to come from that meeting, and so did Squall and that thought angered him more than what Riku had just proclaimed. Regardless of what he thought or felt, Riku was still his friend.

"You do whatever you feel you should do Riku. We'll always be here for you."

Turning to face Tidus, Riku smiled down at his friend.

"Thanks that means a lot to me. I'm going to go get ready."

Walking past Squall, Riku felt Squall's hand wrap lightly around his wrist. He stopped and stared straight into Squall's eyes. They stared silently, no words and no silent communication being exchanged whatsoever and finally.

"I hope you find what you're looking for."

Riku merely gave Squall a nod and a small smile and effortlessly walked away. Squall's hand slipping slowly from his wrist.

When Riku was out of earshot Tidus stood up, without looking at Squall, began walking away.

"Tidus."

Squall said hesitantly, which was very out of character for him, but Tidus didn't care. He was however stopped by Squall's hand on his shoulder. Angrily shrugging off Squall's hand, Tidus turned glaring fiercely at his friend.

"Why didn't you let me tell him?" Spat Tidus, accusation lacing his words.

With a sad expression Squall looked right at Tidus, seeing his angry gaze he looked away.

Slowly he began, "It's not for us to tell. He has to find out on his own. If we had told him then."

Tidus took a step back, away form Squall, and shook his head clearly indicating he didn't want to hear what Squall had to say.

"Don't Squall."

"Tidus." Almost a plead.

A shake of a head.

"Just. Don't."

Squall watched Tidus walk away. He closed his eyes and hoped. He really hoped for Riku's sake, he would not be too devastated by what he was about to discover.

0o0o0

Riku had left a few hours ago Tidus had been feeling too upset to go and say good bye. He had walked around the campus a few times, to clear his head and cool his anger. In all he had a lot of time to himself, which usually wasn't a good thing, now he felt awful for having snapped at Riku. And felt guilty for having done the same to Squall too, in all he felt wretched, which would only be fixed when he apologized to Squall.

Which was what he was trying to do, he had gone to Squall's dorm room and he hadn't been there. So Tidus had gone off to search for his friend, which gave him more time by himself thus more time to feel bad.

Entering the common room on his floor he exhaled in relief, seeing Squall sitting on a couch. Without hesitating Tidus went to him. He wrapped his arms around his friend in a backwards hug and sighed.

"I'm sorry, for being an ass."

Tidus apologized. He turned his head and rested his chin on Squall's shoulder. He felt Squall shake his head and give a sigh of his own.

"Don't worry about it"

At that Tidus frowned. Releasing Squall he walked around the couch to stand in front of Squall.

"What's wrong?"

Squall shook his head, refusing to meet Tidus's eyes.

"It's Riku isn't it?"

Again Squall shook his head.

"No"

With a sigh Tidus moved closer to Squall and instead of sitting next to Squall he carefully lowered himself onto his friends lap. Squall allowed the action not even appearing startled, not even when Tidus gently took his facein hishands to face him. They stared at each other for a few seconds before Squall spoke again.

"Yeah, it's Riku. It's always been Riku. I just don't want him to get hurt anymore."

"I know. And I also see now, that telling him would have been a very bad choice."

Squall smiled at his friend. A feeling of guilt creeping up on him.

"To tell you the truth my reason for not telling Riku was selfish, I just can't stand to lose him again to mind induced hallucinations."

"Squall are you in love with him?"

It was a small whisper and Squall was sure if Tidus had not been sitting on his lap he would not have heard it. He looked into Tidus's eyes being taken by surprise by the question and all he found there was concern.

"No, I love him like a brother. We have known Riku since we were three. When he was in his coma I felt so useless I knew no matter what I did, or anyone else did, we could not get Riku back. I remember when we'd go visit him and talk to him and silently I'd wish I could will him to open his eyes but I couldn't. No one could."

Tidus still sitting on Squall's lap sighed and leaned his head on his friends shoulder hugging him around the waist. Squall was upset and Tidus hope his touch would remind his friend he was not alone, that he, Tidus, knew what he was feeling. He had lived it right along with him.

"I know Squall I remember, but he did wake up."

"Yeah he did and for the first months that was even worse than the coma. He woke up and this Sora." The contempt he spoke that name with made Tidus lift his head from Squall's shoulder to stare at his friend. Squall had never resented anything the way he resented Sora.

"This figment of his imagination made him suffer so much that I wished Sora had been real, at least that way there would have been something to fight against."

Frustration was etched into every word Squall spoke making Tidus feel so helpless, Squall was never one to show emotions so easily but when he did, it meant it was real. Unfortunately the feelings Squall was expressing also made him feel pain and Tidus wasn't sure how to help.

"I just want to protect him. I guess, fuck! Tidus I don't even know what I mean."

Squall said not knowing how to express the feelings that where chocking him on the inside. Tidus nuzzled his neck wrapping his arms tightly around Squall's waist resting his head back on the crook of Squall's neck.

As bad as Squall was at expressing his emotions with words, he was just as bad, or worse sometimes, receiving comfort in the form of words. But touch, touch he understood and knew Tidus was trying to comfort him, and he appreciated the gesture.

"I know Squall. You don't have to explain it to me, I understand."

After all he felt exactly the same way Squall did. Tidus felt Squall nudge him and he sat up. Squall brought his hands to Tidus's face caressing his jaw line with the thumbs of his fingers and he smiled.

No words needed to be spoken, Tidus knew Squall was just trying to thank him. They were still staring at each other when there was a noise of someone clearing their throat. Non pulsed they both turned to see Wakka standing a few feet away from them. Tidus smiled cheerfully, neither him nor Squall moving from their position.

A look of disappointment crossed Wakka's face but he recovered quickly with a smile.

"Hey guys, there's a party at the frat, you guys wanna come?"

"You bet, Wakka. We'll be there."

With a nod and a smile he turned but not before giving one last glace at the two men on the couch who where back to staring at each other. When Squall was sure he was gone he turned to smile at Tidus.

"I think he likes you."

"Who Wakka? Nah."

Squall rolled his eyes, Tidus could be so blind when it came to seeing people who were interested in him it was most sad.

"You really think so?"

Squall nodded shifting beneath Tidus's weight.

"Now. Kindly get your heavy ass off me."

A gasp was heard from Tidus, who was trying not to laugh or sigh in relief, seeing the tension in Squall's eyes disappear.

"I'm not fat."

"Regardless, you weigh and my legs are numb."

With a pout Tidus rose from his make-shift chair and began to walk away.

"I'm going to get ready for the party. See you there?"

Squall nodded and before Tidus could move out of ear shot he spoke.

"Tidus. I…" He stopped and frowned.

Giving him a smile Tidus waved his hand in dismissal.

"Anytime, Lion-heart."

And he left before Squall had time to retort to the play on his last name. Squall just smiled fondly at his friends retreating form.

0o0o0

Upon his arrival Riku had been embraced by both his mother and father, who eagerly ushered him inside his home. After gushing over him for a few minutes Riku was allowed to go to his room and told to come back down for dinner.

Looking around his house he felt a small pang in his chest. He half expected everything to be the same, before he had left. His shoes thrown in different directions, his books scattered around, his sports equipment leaning carelessly against the wall. All signs that he had been there, but everything was in perfect order nothing scattered or out of place.

With a smile he realized that just because he was not there did not mean his parents world was going to stop and he was glad. However entering his room his smile broaden noticing his room was in the same disarray he had left it in, or as in much disarray as he ever allowed himself. His bed was made, though some magazines were lying about and some articles of clothing were thrown carelessly into the closet.

Taking a deep breath Riku let his bag fall to the floor and made his way to the bathroom across the hall. He didn't feel like dwelling too much on his home life, it wasn't as if he were home sick, he hadn't been away enough to be home sick.

In the bathroom he turned the cold water on and splashed his face a few times before turning the tap off and drying his face. Lifting his face he stared at himself in the mirror for a few minutes trying to collect his thoughts, and a bit of courage to tell his parents about his plan. He only wished they wouldn't over react too much.

The trip to the dining room was short, and he noticed though the table was set neither of his presents were there. Quickly he deduced his parents where-abouts by the noises coming form the kitchen.

"Riku dinner's almost ready just putting on the finish touches."

His mother was rinsing some dishes while his father stirred something on the stove, smelled like pesto sauce.

"Great. I'm starving."

Riku said grabbing an apple form the fruit basket and proceeded to sit on the counter top with a small hop. His mother shook her head but did not reprimand him.

"To tell you the truth we weren't expecting you for a while, you know until you settled into you classes. Is there something the matter Riku?"

Riku shook his head, he wanted to smile and give his parents reassurance but he couldn't bring himself to do so. Instead he finished his apple and threw the core away aiming at the garbage can on the corner.

"No, there's nothing the matter. Not wrong anyway."

He said slowly not meeting his parents eyes. He heard his father speak.

"Riku whatever it is you can tell us."

Looking at his father Riku's lips managed to form a small sad smile. With sadness he realized what his father had proclaimed was true. He could in fact tell them anything that was bother him and they would try to help him, but they could never understand just like Tidus and Squall.

"I know dad." Riku took a deep breath and plunged into his next sentence. "I want to meet with the guy responsible for my accident."

A clatter from his mother had dropping the dish she had been holding in the sink and the exploding bubbles from the boiling sauce was all that was heard for all of three seconds. Riku looked from both his parents and after the three seconds of shock passed his Dad resumed his stirring and his mother slowly washed and dried her hands.

The scene was almost comical, except no one was laughing. Riku could not begin to imagine what was going through his parents minds but he had a very good guess. Panic and possibly denial.

To their credit they maintained their feelings well hidden. Riku however knew better, he knew his presents very well, just as much as they knew him. He was not backing down.

"Riku," Finally his mother spoke, though slowly and carefully searching for the exact words. "I don't believe that is a good idea."

When she finished her voice trailed off in an almost inaudible tremble. Suddenly Riku felt sorry for his parents or perhaps it was irritation.

"Mom I don't mean any disrespect when I say I'm not requesting a meeting I'm demanding it. I _need_ to know." Riku looked away from his parents seeming lost and his mother felt her heart wrench seeing her son in any pain.

When Riku had first awakened from his coma Dr. Yeo had said it was normal for Riku to not want to inquire about the culprit, but in time it would also be normal for Riku to wonder and even ask to meet personally with this person. This person who held a few moments which had been erased from his mind. They had just hoped that time was a long time away.

Dr. Yeo had also told them not to discourage Riku from seeking out answers, Riku whether he knew it or not needed closure and no amount of therapy could give him that. This had all been explain in the beginning of Riku's first real breakthrough , in the days that followed however, Dr. Yeo had told them circumstances had changed. Circumstances that would make Riku's future questions a bit difficult to answer.

At the time Riku's parents had not liked what Dr. Yeo had discovered, but he had also assured them when the time came he would be ready for Riku's questions. And now the only hope that hey clung to was that he was right. And even if they feared the outcome of the meeting both Asato and Dana Meneke knew they could not stop their son.

"Riku I" His mother paused and smiled at him "If you're sure about your decision than you should give Dr Yeo a call. I'm sure he can arrange a meeting."

"Riku, what exactly are you…"

Riku's father began and stopped himself from finishing that sentence shaking his head, dismissing the thought. "Never mind son. You do what you must."

Riku chuckled. "That's exactly what Squall and Tidus said."

"Yes, I would imagine they would." She smiled. "They're good boys, good friends."

There was something his parents were not telling him, but Riku didn't want to question them he had too much on his mind. He wasn't being callous he just couldn't understand why his parents seemed so reluctant about him meeting with this person, who's name he had never really been interested in knowing, but who would help him put some of his demons at ease.

0o0o0

Instead of arranging a meeting Dr. Yeo had asked Riku to come into his office to discuss a few things. Riku had not liked the sound of that, but felt he had little choice in the matter.

Nearing Dr. Yeo's office Riku thought back to the short conversation they had shared, Yeo had sounded almost reluctant and while he could understand his parents being reluctant he didn't understand why Dr. Yeo would feel that way too. Couldn't Dr. Yeo, out of everyone, see why he needed this?

The only way to find answers was to face his doctor of course, so with a soft knock he entered the office. Leena wasn't at her desk, he hadn't expected her to be there either after all it was Saturday evening. Saturday evening and there he was standing in Dr. Yeo's office. Who worked Saturday evenings anyway? Then again Riku was and had always been a 'special case.' People made exceptions for unusual cases.

"Riku, have a seat. Make yourself at home."

Dr. Yeo gestured with a wave of his hand to the seats. He wore a smile and Riku nodded politely and followed the suggestion as much as he could. Taking a seat, but definitely not making himself at home. And before he could say anything Dr. Yeo Spoke.

"I must admit I thought this day would have come sooner but now is just fine."

"Then why am I here instead of having a meeting with this person?"

Walking to stand in front of his desk Dr. Yeo leaned back on the flat surface hands clasped in front of him, his eyes watching Riku with some interest. As if gauging his emotions before answering his question. Finally he nodded.

"All in good time Riku. But first tell me, why now? Why not two years ago or when you first woke up from your comma or a year ago or even last week?"

Ah so that was it. Dr Yeo was just being Dr. Yeo he just wanted to make sure Riku was mentally stable to see this guy. In all honesty Riku hoped he appeared stable enough and that his inner turmoil didn't betray him. He was glad Dr. Yeo could not see how desperately he needed answers to his questions, how his nightmares had intensified and felt so real. He needed answers urgently, but what he needed more was the comfort he hoped to find when his questions were answered perhaps then the nightmares would stop.

Sadly he couldn't tell Dr. Yeo all of that nor could he tell him he had seen Sora. That was completely out of the question, if Dr. Yeo only knew he had seen Sora, well he would be in a stray jacket faster than he could say Paopu.

It was fortunate for Riku he had perfected his façade to an art and Dr. Yeo would only be seeing what Riku wanted him to see. Adapting his tortured façade which told of his suffering he began to speak.

"I've been having nightmares again" Riku paused waiting for his words to sink in and looked down at the floor watching Dr. Yeo's reaction from the corner of his eyes " At first I thought they were just that, a nightmare a bad dream, I would wake up shaking and afraid, having no idea why. Then I started remembering the dreams I realized they weren't dreams at all but my accident at least that's what I think and what I hope to find out."

There Riku thought enough of the truth to keep Dr. Yeo happy. In turn Dr Yeo stayed silent inspecting Riku trying to read him they way he could read a book and lucky for Riku he had known the man enough to let him see what he wanted.

"Tell me about the nightmares?" Dr. Yeo asked still watching Riku with a critical eye.

Riku shifted uncomfortably in his seat, he hated talking about his nightmares they were so unpleasant even if there wasn't much detail, when he woke up they left him feeling incredibly disoriented and terrified.

"There is not much detail that I can remember. From what I can remember; there is someone shouting, yelling at me, in warning, and then the car hitting me that is all."

"Hmm."

Fighting to roll his eyes in frustration Riku ran a hand though his silver locks. 'hmm' was not what he was hoping to hear, Dr. Yeo had never seen the need to act so professionally with him before. All his session his methods had never been by the book and now this meeting seemed so routine that it was grating on Riku's nerves.

"Look," Riku began "why are you prolonging this meeting? Does this person not want to seem me? Is he afraid I'm going to hurt him? Because I'm not. I'm not looking for extracting any type of revenge it was an accident I understand that all I want is answers."

It was true, Riku, when he had found out the reason for his coma, had been some guy hitting him, he had had no urge to seek out the person responsible for his misfortune he had simply acknowledge and accepted the event as an accident and had moved on. His parents hadn't even pressed charges and Riku was not about to do something vindictive just because. Then his thoughts took on a different path. However if a threat was the only way this person would meet with him--

His thoughts were cut off when Dr. Yeo moved from his desk to one of the book shelves covering almost the entire left wall of the room.

"I'm afraid Riku a meeting will not be possible, but I do have the next best thing."

Riku didn't hear the rest of the sentence all his thoughts were still on Dr. Yeo's refusal to let him have his answers. Riku stood up form his seat looking angrily at his doctor.

"What are you talking about?"

"You see Riku after the accident, he went into shock. When he came out of it his mind was fragile and volatile, he believed you to be dead. He believed he had killed you and no one could convince him otherwise."

Riku sank back bonelessly on to his chair. He swallowed hard trying to get the dryness out of his mouth. He had never thought about how his accident had affected the other person involved.

"Did no one tell him I was alright?"

" Riku, when he got out of his car you were on the ground with a broken arm and leg, bleeding heavily from your head wound, you even stopped breathing a few minutes before the paramedics reached you. For all intense and purposes you were dead and I'm afraid the shock was just too much."

"What are you saying. He went crazy?"

It wasn't medically correct but, Dr. Yeo nodded deciding that an explanation of the correct medical term was not what Riku needed nor wanted to hear. Instead he walked back towards Riku with a box in his hand, he had retrieved from a drawer near his bookshelves, he set it in front of Riku.

"So if I see him he won't know he, he" he stopped.

"No Riku his mind is too fragile if he were to see you now his reaction would not be good at all."

Riku nodded staring at nothing. Riku shifted his eyes to the box which Dr. Yeo was opening retrieving its contents.

"What is that?"

"It's a recording. The police took him in for questioning I asked for a copy for when this day came. Would you like to hear it."

Riku's answer was a small nod.

"Very well, but this Riku holds no promises nor answers."

Again he nodded. Dr. Yeo press the play button and silence reigned the room.

At first there was nothing no noise but a few seconds of white noise than a voice came on.

"Tell us exactly what happened."

It was an emotionless voice which sounded hallow and whose tone gave off a faint echo in the emptiness of the room it which it was speaking in. Riku could also hear light scribbling. Someone taking notes, then a voice came on.

"I-- I didn't see. I mean" A pause, a sharp in hale of breath and a slow painful exhale.

"He was, he was kneeling and I swerved" another pause and ragged breathing

"He was kneeling in the middle of the street?"

It was the interrogator with the unsympathetic voice.

"No. No." A desperate reply "Not on the street. Sidewalk."

Unfocused words as if trying to make sense out of a puzzle.

"He he was kneeling and I saw him." More desperate stuttering and silence. A muffled sob.

"I swerved, but, but he was bleeding everywhere. I saw him and his blood was everywhere."

More ragged breathing and chocked sobs.

"I killed him. I… I killed."

Rustling of papers.

"We don't know that yet he is in critical condition."

The interrogator proclaimed sounding concerned.

"No you don't understand he, he was just a boy and I .. I killed him."

Ragged breathing sobs bordering on hysteria.

"Calm down you didn't"

"No, no you" A chair scrapping against a rough floor. "you didn't see him he was just a.. just a boy, bleeding, dying."

A chair falling down some struggling there was just background noise to the yelling and sobbing of a man going slowly insane pleading for forgiveness for the life he believed he had ended.

"I killed him, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, so sorry."

Dr. Yeo stopped the tape. He stood and walked to his desk taking an empty glass pouring Riku a drink of water, from the ever present pitcher of water sitting on his desk. Riku took the water gulping it down. He didn't look at Dr. Yeo only concentrated on breathing. Inhale. Exhale slowly.

"He didn't make much sense after that, only repeating the same thing."

Exhaling slowly Riku closed his eyes. There went his last hope lost to a man who had gone insane with the guilt of having 'killed him'. Riku felt as if he had been running in a maze only to find dead end after dead end.

Frustration was overwhelming Riku with it also came a sense of guilt. He felt awful with the situation the guy who had hit him had or was in. But what could he do now? If there was anything he could do to help the man he would. According to Dr. Yeo however there wasn't anything he could do. Even seeing him would cause him more harm than good. What now? How would he get his answers now?

Dr. Yeo to his credit let Riku have his moment of thought. He didn't know what Riku was thinking and just let the young man absorb the information he had just received.

Uncovering his face from his hands Riku looked at Dr Yeo. Dr. Yeo looked at the defeated look on Riku's face and felt his heart go out to him.

"Riku what Kind of answers were you hoping to get from talking to this person?"

Riku blinked and suddenly something occurred to him.

"What is him name?"

Dr. Yeo gave him a small smile, happy Riku had finally decided to give identity to someone he had never given much thought to before but had changed his life so abruptly.

"His name is John Trep."

Riku nodded in acknowledgement.

"John Trep huh?" He repeated, "I don't know what kind of answers I was hoping to get from him. All I know is that he was the only one who had the missing part of my life."

Dr. Yeo nodded, Riku had never before pushed to remember his lost memories but now it seemed his nightmares had shaken his curiosity enough for him to ask questions.

"Why did the police let you have a copy of the interrogation?"

"After John had been declared mentally unstable the authorities were quite baffled as to how to proceed with your case, without specific details to go with.."

"Wait you mean there were no eye witnesses?"

"No." Dr. Yeo said shaking his head.

This was just going from bad to worse. There went his last hope, no eye witnesses. Riku felt as if it was him against an invisible enemy, he had no means to defeat.

"That was the reason I was given that interrogation tape. They hoped that having you listen to it would jostle your memory to help you remember what had happened."

It had not helped at all. Riku realized listening to the tape brought him no answers but created even more questions. Perhaps this had been a mistake after all.

"Well, I'm sorry to say it didn't help."

Riku said out loud sarcasm and frustration lacing his words. Riku sighed and looked past Dr. Yeo's shoulder at the darkening night.

"I understand. But now you have to understand something Riku." He paused waiting to have Riku's full attention.

"I will not sit here and pretend I know what you feel, I can only understand what you feel and regardless of that I must warn you not to push this. If your dreams are subconscious memories don't force them. Don't force yourself to remember. The mind is a wonderful intricate thing, in it's own way its protecting you from remembering a traumatic scene. When and if your mind feels at ease the memories will reveal themselves."

Easy for him to say, Riku thought, but Dr. Yeo didn't feel what Riku did ,he didn't feel the urgency Riku felt, he didn't feel the need, Riku did, to know what had happened.

It wasn't only that he wanted to remember he needed to know. Knowing was the only way, Riku felt, he had of easing the nagging feeling of urgency of incompleteness. Of course Dr. Yeo could only understand his feelings from a medical point of view but he himself had admitted he could not begin to know what that feeling was like.

Unfortunately, if and when was the best promise Dr. Yeo had. Riku knew he wanted to remember the accident but for now he would heed Dr. Yeo's words and not force his memories.

"Are you saying that I should just let these memories come as they may?"

Dr. Yeo nodded, "Yes." He replied reaching to replace the small tape player back in its storage box.

"Wait."

Riku said. Dr. Yeo's hand stopped halfway to his goal and he stared at Riku with a questioning look.

"Could I listen to it again."

"Riku I really don't think"

"I know what you would say, but I just need to listen one more time. Please."

In all honesty Dr. Yeo knew no good would come from listening to the tape again but Riku still needed closure and he could not provide the kind of closure Riku needed. But like he had promised he had the next best thing and it would have to do. Against his better judgment he played the tape again. Riku sat back on his seat trying to relax as he listen to the tape.

A few minutes later it was over and Riku was frowning almost as if trying to bore holes through the tape player.

"Riku?" Dr. Yeo inquired seeing no response from his patient.

With a frown still on his face Riku looked up at Dr. Yeo.

"What did he mean kneeling? Why would I be kneeling in the middle of the street?"

Shaking his head Dr. Yeo sighed he knew this had been a bad idea Riku would take away more questions than answers from their meeting tonight.

"The police could only assume you were in the sidewalk and he somehow hit you propelling your body into the street."

Riku was quiet.

"But of course those are just speculations with no eye witnesses, besides John and yourself, speculating was all anyone could do."

"Do my parents know of this tape?"

The question was not without foundation, he had felt his parents had been hiding something from him, and if they knew about the tape that would give reason for their worry. Which in turn made him wonder if Squall and Tidus also knew.

"Yes they do. I told them what I had planned to use the tape for. They seemed to agree as long as you were ready. Though never did they deemed inclined to listen to the tape."

Riku nodded glad his parents had not listen to what he just had, and at the same time feeling betrayed. Tidus and Squall had been equally concerned for him regarding his want to meet John and now he wondered if his parents had in fact told his friends of the tape.

Then again anyone who read the news could have found out about his accident and possibly what had happened to Mr. John Trep. Even he could have found out about his accident without having to consult Dr. Yeo or his parents all he had to do was look at old news papers, but he had never had the curiosity to do so. In that aspect he could not fault his parents or his friends for not telling him something they did not know he wanted to know.

As the moment of silence stretched between Riku and Dr. Yeo, Riku realized he had no more business here. Slowly he began to rise from his seat, but Dr. Yeo's voice stopped him.

"Riku are you alright?"

No. Riku thought but nodded.

Also rising from his seat, Dr. Yeo took the tape and tape player placing it back in the box and walked towards the bookshelves, putting the items back where they had been retrieved from. Having done that he turned back towards Riku, arms crossed over his chest giving Riku a thoughtful stare.

"I've know you almost five years Riku. Yet I'm not so arrogant as to believe, I know you. After all we only ever know and see what a person chooses to let others know and see."

For a second Riku almost smiled, he should have known better than to try to fool Yeo. But he couldn't help and wonder just how much exactly did the doctor think he knew about him.

"Having said that, I've seen enough of you to know you will leave here with more questions than answers and for that I am sorry. I am also sorry I could not give you the type of closure you needed."

"No but I appreciate the effort greatly non the less."

At least that statement Dr. Yeo believed to be true. Rising from his seat Riku took his leave.

"Riku." Riku stopped at the threshold of the office, it seemed Dr. Yeo was not quite done yet.

"Remember what I said don't force the memories when you're ready you'll remember."

With a stoic face Riku only nodded hoping his real emotions would not show on his face betraying him.

0o0o0

That night sleep would not come to Riku his thoughts were keeping him awake demanding attention. Tonight had been a complete waste Yeo had been right he now had more questions than answers.

The logical thing for him to do was forget or put aside his feelings, but he could not. He had not remembered his accident in four years, in four years it had never bothered him. The problem was that his lack of remembrance was now becoming bothersome, for some unexplained reason he felt an urgency to remember those few lost moments of his life.

Riku's parents and Dr. Yeo thought he wanted to know what had happened because he needed closure. It was more than that. Riku felt those moments before his accident were the missing part of a puzzle. For some reason he felt the missing moment would lift the veil of questions and bring clarity to his thoughts.

However he was doing no good to himself thinking about the possibility of remembering. All his hopes hand been shattered tonight. Not only was John unable to help him in any way there had also been no eyes witnesses.

Fate Riku thought was against him. Perhaps he was just over reacting, his doctor had never really given much attention to Riku's amnesia, since it had not lasted and aside from the accident he remembered everything regarding to his life. The doctors had however determined that in time Riku's memory of that day may return.

A maybe was all the consolation Riku had and that was not much. It wasn't even a promise that he would remember it was only a possibility. For now all he could do was heed Yeo's advice and not force the memories, not that he knew how to, and merely hope the memories would just come to him.

0o0o0

0o0o0

A/N: For those of you who still care I should have the next chapter for Songs and Dreams next week, before midterm-study-cramming starts/ chews nails nervously/

Cardel: See short and uneventful. I apologize, it wasn't my intention to make such a long chapter but it was necessary.

Jin and Demak/quiet/

Cardel/sigh/ They're angry, because their creative voices have gone unheard for almost a year.

Jin and Demak/nod/

Cardel/shurg/ You readers have no idea how many drabbles and vignettes have been started. I'm thinking of starting posting some of them on live journal. If I do I'll let you guys know.

Demak: I can't take it any more please someone adopt me and save me from unfinished fanfic hell.

Cardel: Quiet you. We'll finish the stories.

Jin/mumbles/ eventually.

Cardel: Anyhow. Thank you so much for being patient with me and I hope not too many people have lost interest in this or any of my other fics. Drop me a line Ja- ne.


	7. Of Hiccups and Lunch

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Pairing: Riku/Sora

Rating: R, though for later chapters

A/N: You guys are awesome. Thank you for all your comments I appreciate them greatly. You guys had a few question, unfortunately I can't answer them or I'll be giving everything away, but some of you are right on. Oh and someone wanted to know Sora's age, he's nineteen. I apologize in advance for errors I just did a quick proof read and spell check I'll revise later. I love you guys and enjoy!

(0o0o0) equals scene change

**/Ch 7/**

On Sunday afternoon Riku was back at the university, he was in his dorm unpacking. He had left the clothes he had taken on his trip back at home and brought more clean clothes. Finishing he put his bag away and was about to sit on the chair in front of his desk, a knock on the door, though, stopped that action. He walked to the door to reveal Tidus and Squall.

Giving Riku a wide smile Tidus threw his arms around his friend and hugged him, a small hiccup escaping his lips.

"Ahh! I've had the hiccups since this morning and I can't," Hiccup, "get rid of them." Tidus finished trying to complain.

"And you would think that would make him stop running his mouth." Squall said stepping into the room. "The only thing that it's done is make him sound more annoying than usual."

Hands on hips Tidus stood in front of Squall who had taken a seat on the edge of Riku's bed.

"And whose fault is that?" Tidus shot an accusing look at Squall, which was less effective than usual as Tidus jerked a little as he hiccupped.

Squall's answer was to raise a brown apparently surprised, that Tidus was implying it was his fault.

"Mine?"

"Yes yours. I told you," Hiccup, "to try to scare me to, " Hiccup, " see if it would work but you," Hiccup, "wouldn't." Once finished with the broken statement Tidus took a deep breath and held it.

"Oh right how could I have forgotten that?" Squall replied not sounding a bit remorseful. "And stop holding your breath to cure your hiccups it hasn't helped since you started two hours ago and it's not going to work now."

Tidus puffed out his cheeks even more, as he tried to glare at Squall which just made him look hilarious. His next hiccupped was muffled by his closed mouth, Riku laughed.

"Wow. Glad to see you two can manage not to kill each other when I'm gone, and by the way, hello to you too."

Letting himself breathe again Tidus smiled, poor Riku they had completely ignored him, since they had stepped in the room.

"HiRiku, howwasyourtrip?" Finishing his question Tidus quickly held his breath again.

Blinking a few time Riku cocked his head to the side. Tidus had spoken so fast he wasn't completely sure what Tidus had said. He heard Squall sigh.

"He said. Hi Riku, how was your trip?" Squall translated and shifted his body to look at Riku, who had gone to sit on top of his desk his feet resting on the chair in front of the desk.

How had his trip gone? Horrible, he had gotten no answers whatsoever and he didn't see any answers anytime in his immediate future. But he couldn't say that to his friends. Nor could he tell them about the tape he had listened too.

When he had returned from his meeting with Dr. Yeo he had asked his parents if they had told Squall and Tidus about the tape. His parents had said they had not, but Tidus and Squall did know about Mr. Trep's mental state. When Riku's parents had told him that, he had felt betrayed by his friends.

However betrayed he felt, though, he knew he was overreacting after such an emotional day. He had been right. The feelings of betrayal and of confrontationing his friends had passed. Riku had decided, when Squall and Tidus asked he would not tell them about the tape nor would he accuse them of hiding anything from him.

Besides Riku was more than sure, had he asked his friends would have told him. As it was he had never asked, so he didn't see any need for any confrontations. He didn't feel much like stirring up problems between the three of them. With that thought out of his mind he answered Tidus's question.

"Not as well as I had expected, but..." Shrugging Riku left the sentence unfinished.

"Why is that?" Squall asked. Another hiccup was heard.

_I'm sure you know why, Squall_. Riku thought, but out of his mouth came something else. "Turns out the guy who hit me, John Trep, went crazy right after the accident. He thought he had killed me, and apparently the guilt drove him mad. Dr. Yeo said seeing him would do me no good and actually harm Mr. Trep, who he said would be unable to cope with seeing me."

After Riku finished with his explanation, he took turns looking from Squall to Tidus. It was an attempt to see if they appeared to already know what he had just told them. They didn't have any inconspicuous sign, except for the fact they were not meeting Riku's eyes. Finally Squall looked up.

"I'm sorry you didn't get what you wanted Riku, but what did Dr. Yeo say about your dreams?" Squall asked.

Waving a hand in irritation, Riku rolled his eyes. "He said whether the dreams were memories or not I shouldn't force them. When and _if _I'm ready I'll remember."

A scoff at the end of the statement let both Tidus and Squall know what Riku thought about that.

"As if I knew how." Riku added in a quiet note looking down where his feet rested on the chair.

"If you did wouldyoudoit?" The last was said in a rush of words as Tidus held his breath in vain as he hiccupped again. Riku smiled, amused.

"Do what?"

"Force your mem." hiccup, "ories." Tidus gave an irritated groan and held his breath again. Squall rolled his eyes at his antics and turned to Riku curious to know his answer.

Riku was sure if Tidus had not come into his room hiccupping since they had arrived the environment would have felt more tense. As it was, with Tidus hiccupping every few seconds nothing could be seriously taken, like his question. So Riku didn't give it much thought.

"I don't know, doesn't matter really. Its not an option."

Nodding Tidus hiccupped again. Squall stood up and walked towards Tidus. Once he was next to Tidus he stopped staring intently at a spot on Tidus's head. Tidus leaned back to look up at Squall.

"What?" Tidus asked as hiccupped.

Squall took a small step back and nodded his head. " Just wanted to confirm something."

"What?" This Time Tidus sounded irritated, he had the hiccups since early in the morning he couldn't get rid of them and now Squall as staring at him as if he had grown a second head. He glared at Squall and hiccupped.

"You have a balding spot. Right," He raised his hand and poked at said spot on Tidus's hair. "here."

The horror stricken face Tidus's features took was hilarious. His eyes widen his mouth dropped opened taking in a great gasp of air and his hands slapped Squall's hand away before he ran out of the room.

It was a good thing he left so quickly if he hadn't he would have heard Riku's laughter and seen Squall's lips curl into a satisfied smile.

"Where do you think he went?" Riku asked in between bouts of laughter. He had gotten off his desk for fear of falling since he was laughing so hard.

Shrugging Squall sat back down on Riku's bed. "The bathroom to look in the mirror."

Turning to look at Riku, Squall noticed his friend was still smiling playing with the chain around his neck. Squall raised a brow and pointed at Riku's necklace.

"Couldn't go without it could you?" Squall asked.

"Nope. It's my lucky charm I've had it forever, I just forgot it at home and remembered to bring it back when I went to visit."

"And here I thought you had outgrown that." Riku shrugged and smiled tucking his necklace back inside his shirt.

Seconds later a fuming Tidus stepped into the room and launched himself at Squall, who caught him easily around the waist, but went down under the force of Tidus's weight.

"You horrible, evil, lying son of a…" Tidus's protest was cut off when Squall hit him squarely on the face with Riku's pillow.

Tidus yelped and was startled to find their positions reversed with Squall on top of him, pressing the pillow on his chest his hands trapped beneath .

"Do you want to give me heart attack?" Despite his current state of immobility Tidus continued to yell at Squall.

"No, just scare you enough to get rid of your hiccups I didn't actually think it would work."

Hearing that Tidus stopped and realized his hiccups were in fact gone. Gathering the strength from years of playing sports he easily threw Squall off of him and went tumbling onto the floor with him.

"You cured me Squall I love you!" He exclaimed cheerfully hugging Squall around the neck. Riku's laughter rang out loudly in the room.

"Should I give you two a moment?" He asked still laughing.

"Tidus get off!"

Giving his friend a big grin Tidus stood up helping Squall to his feet. "See it worked, now why couldn't you have done that when I asked you to?"

Ignoring Tidus, Squall turned to a smirking Riku. "Riku I'm glad you're back, we'll see you tomorrow."

Squall exited Riku's room.

"Don't ignore me." Tidus followed Squall but not before turning to Riku. " Night Riku." He waved and closed the door.

"Come on just admit it you do love me."

"Why did I ever think hearing your hiccups was more annoying than hearing you talk?"

Riku laughed clutching his stomach as he heard the voices of his arguing friends recede.

That night after settling down, Riku went to sleep and in the morning he knew he had dreamt but could not recall the exact details and decided to leave it at that.

0o0o0

It had been almost a week since he had gone to see Dr. Yeo and since then Riku had, had the dreams but they were no longer as detailed or disturbing as they used to be. He decided, for the time being, to not worry about his dreams. He couldn't get the answers he needed any way, apparently his plan meet my almost-killer had not work, so he figured there was no real use to his worry if he couldn't find anyone to tell him what it was that he was actually dreaming about.

And since Riku had decided to abandon that plan, for the time being, he formed a new one. A plan he could actually do something about, plan get to know Sora. Which had originally been called; plan get to know Sora without panicking or passing out, the title however had been too lengthy. Regardless of the lightly title, the plan was easier said than done.

Sure he saw Sora almost every time he had his psychology class, but Michael, his professor, had not been lying when he said Sora would only be there as much as his time allowed. Sora was hardly ever there and when he was he usually left early or came late or was not there at all.

Riku gave an audible sigh he needed a way to get closer to Sora and not only to see if Sora remembered him it was more than that, every time he was around Sora he felt, a pull an urge to be close to him or to merely stare at Sora all day. Unfortunately for him Sora seemed completely unaffected by his presence.

And Riku also decided to stop having these internal thoughts when he was around his friends like now for instance he took one quick look at Tidus and Selphie and relaxed they seemed quite happy chatting with each other to pay him too much mind. Squall on the other had an odd expression on his face, he looked torn between who he wanted to strangle first.

Riku smiled to himself as he watch his two friends talk, ever since he had introduced Selphie to Tidus they had hit it off quite nicely, but he couldn't help but feel every time the two were together there seemed to be a battle of who could out talk the other. So far neither had won, but hey had managed to get Squall to twitch his eye in annoyance which Riku had found and still found extremely funny.

"Water? How is that going to help?" Riku stared at Selphie and back to Tidus trying to pick up the thread of their conversation. Squall looked as annoyed as he ever allowed himself to appear, with his arms crossed, his back leaning against the tree he was sitting in front of.

"Yes it's perfect!" Tidus explained cheerfully. "If she's as evil as you say she is, she must be a witch so if you throw water at her she'll melt. Like that witch from that movie with the flying monkeys."

After staring at Tidus for a second Selphie started laughing and Riku was still confused about their conversation. Though it appeared they had been talking about some unpleasant person.

"Right, Tidus. And after, I can click my heels together and say there is no place like home." Selphie was still laughing, Tidus planted his hands on the grass and leaned back giving Selphie an serious look.

"Of course not, that only work in the movies. Honestly Selphie!" Shaking his head in apparent disappointment Tidus sighed. Riku's laughter joined Selphie's as he realized whatever the conversation had been about was completely ridiculous.

"Oh of course but throwing water at my English professor to melt her will just work wonderfully." Sarcasm laced Selphie's words as she offered Tidus a playful smile.

Tidus sat up again and took a hand to his chin. He tried to appear serious but in the end ended up grinning. "You know what Selphie, you're right it's too far fetched now a poisoned apple…"

"You guys are pathetic. I'm leaving, I have class and so do you."

Obviously having had enough of Selphie's and Tidus's chatter Squall stood from his place on the ground dusting his pants off. He walked up to Tidus and reached down and pulled Tidus up by the ear, like a scolded little kid.

"Ow, ow, ow! Stop that." With no other choice Tidus stood up. Selphie hid a giggle behind her hand.

"You know Squall, I think it would be best if you just let Tidus go." Riku warned, with a serious and authorities voice. Squall raised a questioning brow. "You see, Selphie here is an avid advocate against animal cruelty, so she'll hurt you if you don't let Tidsu go."

Squall lips twitch in amusement, Selphie laughed and Tidus gasped wrenching away from Squall he launched himself at Riku knocking him on his back.

"Take that back Meneke."

Riku's response was to laugh as Tidus brought on an onslaught of tickles to his ribs. Riku laughed and gasped trying to get away from Tidus.

"Nev…ha never!"

Somehow Riku managed to roll onto his stomach which didn't do him much good, now Tidus was draped over his back and was still tickling him. Suddenly an unfamiliar laughter joined theirs and Riku stopped struggling and Tidus stopped his attack.

"Sora!"

Selphie shot up form the ground and happily greeted Sora with a hug.

Riku felt Tidus tense on top of him when he heard Selphie say Sora's name. Riku had half turned in Tidus's grasped, Tidus looked down at Riku with wide eyes before scrambling to his feet to see who Sora was.

For his part Riku was somewhat used to seeing Sora so his reaction was almost neutral. Unless, of course, they could hear the mad pounding of his heart and the fluttering butterflies in his stomach. After Selphie released Sora from her embrace Sora smiled at everyone. Selphie turned to her companions.

"Hey guys this is Sora my best friend." Signaling to the corresponding person Selphie introduced Sora. "Sora meet Squall, Tidus and"

"Riku." Sora finished Selphie's introduction, as he smiled at Riku.

Selphie's eyes were not the only ones that went wide with surprised. Tidus looked at Riku, his expression one of confusion while Squall remained unreadable even to Riku.

"Yeah, that's Riku. You never told me you knew each other." Selphie crossed her arms staring accusingly back and forth Riku and Sora. Sora only smiled in response.

"Well I didn't know the Riku you talked about so much was the same Riku from my psychology class."

Hearing that statement Riku saw Tidus relax considerably. But he couldn't concern his thoughts too much with Tidus he was more concern with Sora and Selphie. They were friends. What were the chances? Hr had been so close to Sora all this time and he didn't even know it.

"You two are in the same class. Talk about coincidence and speaking about class, what are you doing here Sora? Shouldn't you be in class?"

Sora shrugged and seemed completely oblivious to the stares he was receiving from Squall and Tidus, which did not go unnoticed by Riku.

"I got out early, I was actually going to grab something to eat but then I say you and decided to come over and see if you and your friends wanted to come to lunch." Sora explained smiling warmly.

"Aw Sora you're so sweet." Sora rolled his eyes, which made Riku smile. Yeah he had it bad.

"Well come on guys lets go eat."

"As much as I would love to we can't Selphie, we have class." Squall explained, Tidus nodded and walked closer to Squall.

"Nice meeting you Sora see you around." Tidus said and then turned to Selphie. "Bye Selphie."

Squall nodded to both Sora and Selphie and began to walk away with Tidus walking next to him. Squall stopped and turned to face Riku fully. "Riku. You coming?"

With his heart beating loudly in his ears Riku looked up to make eye contact with Squall. He bit the inside of his cheek and looked away from Squall's eyes his gaze landing on Sora's eyes instea. Riku bowed his head and looked back to squall.

"I" He begain slowly, "don't have class, Squall." Squall held his gaze and if Riku hadn't known him for so long, he would have mistaken Squall's expression for one of indifference instead of concern. Riku swallowed he didn't want Squall to feel concerned for him, there was no reason to be concerned. He was just going to lunch with Selphie and, and Sora.

"Okay. I'll talk to you later then" And Riku knew that was a promise and he would be talking to Squall later. Tidus gave Riku one last look before leaving with Squall.

"Well come on lets go." Selphie said cheerfully, leading the way.

Riku stared after his friends for a few seconds and then faced Selphie and Sora giving them a small smile.

They walked towards the cafeteria, Selphie filling up any silence with random chatter, which needed no immediate collaboration from Sora or Riku just a well place hmm and yeah once in a while.

They order their food and made small conversation which was once again dominated by Selphie. Riku's brain seemed to have gone on vacation, he was too surprise to actually be sitting across Sora, having lunch with him. Sora who only smiled at Selphie giving her amused looks. Sora who was real and just a few inches across a blue table top. Sora who was most definitely not a dream.

And Riku could think of nothing to say. He would have actually been quite happy to stare at Sora all day, but then that might be considered rude. A moment of silence descended upon the table as their meals arrived. Riku frowned at the carry out container sitting in front of Selphie.

"Selphie why did you get a carry out order?"

Selphie gave them a charming smile and stood up picking up her food. "Because I have class, but you guys stay here and enjoy your lunch. Bye!" She walked away. "Be good Sora!" She yelled over her shoulder.

Before either Riku or Sora could answer she was gone. And Riku was alone with Sora. Riku swallowed and turned to look at Sora. Needless to say he was startled to discover Sora already looking at him. Sora smiled and lowered his eyes shyly, as if embarrassed to being caught staring, which Riku found incredibly endearing. That action made Riku believe this Sora could really be his Sora.

Now the next logical step would be to talk to Sora. Problem; how to converse with Sora? Riku had what he wanted, actually, more than what he would have asked for. He had Sora all to himself, thanks to Selphie's departure, and what was he doing staring. _Say something you idiot._

"So..."

They blurted out in unison and smiled awkwardly at one another. Riku heard Sora sigh and saw him burry his face in his hands. Riku's heart sank, was Sora finding his company irritable?

"I can't believe she did it again." It was a whispered mumble, Riku had a difficult time understanding since Sora had his hands over his mouth. In fact Riku wasn't sure he was suppose to have heard that statement and he wondered what it meant.

"Who did what?"

Sora smiled a little sheepishly and looked away.

"Selphie." Sora gave a suffering sigh. "She has a tendency to try to em set me up with people she thinks I would be good friends with. She seems to believe I don't have enough friends. And it seems you're her latest victim. I'm really sorry she dragged you into this." Sora finished looking away from Riku.

It was official Selphie was Riku's Goddess. Riku decided he was going to build her a shrine and make everyone in the world worship her. After he got to know Sora better, that took priority over building shrines for Goddesses.

Riku focused back on Sora and froze. Sora was looking down at his hands, where he was shredding his paper napkin into fine dust. Riku noticed Sora was also gnawing on his lower lip nervously. Riku's features soften as he realized Sora was just as nervous as he was. Which made sense, Sora had no way of knowing Riku was a very willing pawn to Selphie's plan to get Sora new friends.

The thought of getting to know Sora made him feel something warm and familiar in his chest. However being silent would not help things. Riku decided to remedy the situation and hopefully put Sora at ease by convincing him that he did want to be his friend.

"So, Selphie seems to believe she knows who is good for you to make friends with?"

Sora nodded not looking up at Riku.

"Well I don't know about you Sora." Riku almost paused that was the first time he had actually said Sora's name out loud to a very real Sora. The emotions that made him feel were too overwhelming and he had no time to think about them at the moment, he would think about his emotions later, but now he pressed on. "I don't like disappointing my friends. So what do you say we prove Selphie right?"

Finally looking up at Riku, Sora smiled broadly and nodded agreeing with Riku's proposition. "You bet!"

Letting out a small sigh of relief Riku smiled at Sora. And apparently less nervous Sora began eating the food in fornt of him. "Selphie tells me you're from Midgar."

Riku nodded and followed Sora and began eating his food. "Born and raised. What about you?"

They fell at ease talking about each other's life's and Riku couldn't help but notice how quickly Sora's mood had changed. One moment he had been nervous and shy and as soon as he made his proposition all shyness seemed to leave Sora. He was now conversing quite animatedly with Riku.

Riku was not about to complain, but as Sora talked he found it difficult and strange to believe Sora would need Selphie's help to make friends. But it didn't matter the important thing was that he was getting to know Sora, which pushed all other thoughts aside.

Through out their conversation, Riku learned, Sora had never lived in Midgar, but instead he had lived in this town Traverse Town. Sora had, however, taken classes in Midgar, he had not attended Riku's school, he had, had a tutor who lived in Midgar and that's where he had taken his classes. Also prior to receiving his diploma Sora had taken a number of classes at their university.

"Wow! So you are some type of prodigy."

Sora blushed beautifully when he heard Riku praising him. He shook his head, his hair moving gently into his face due to the movement. Riku found a simple thing like Sora's hair moving almost enchanting.

"I wouldn't say that. I'm majoring in psychology, and I've just always been very good with people and people's feelings and emotions and all the scientific jargon that goes with it." Sora explained laughing.

"Is that why Michel took you in as his assistant or intern?"

"Assistnt" Sora mumbled between a mouthful of food which got stuck on his throat his eyes watered a little as he gulped a glass of water down. Riku chuckled in amusement and Sora glared at him, this time the familiarity of it all seemed to escape Riku.

After finishing lunch they began heading back to campus settling into a comfortable get to know each other chatter.

"Why aren't you in class often? I know Michael said you would be there as much as your time allowed, but where exactly are you? If you don't mind me asking?"

Sora turned his face towards Riku and gave him a lopsided grin. Riku felt something inside him give a painful lurch, he stopped walking. That smile, that was his Sora. In that instant Riku knew beyond any doubt the man standing before him was the boy he had fallen in love with. Riku wasn't sure how Sora had come to exist in his mind all he cared was that Sora was real. Even if the Sora in front of him had no idea who he was, Riku didn't care anymore.

Or at least he would have liked to believe he didn't care, later he would change his mind. For now he fought the urge to take Sora in his arms and make him feel what he felt. And just like that it was too much, Sora felt too familiar and Riku was no longer sure if it was because he wanted Sora to feel familiar or because, he really was. No! He would not travel down that train of thought.

"Riku?" Sora's concerned voice snapped him out of his confusing thoughts. Pushing the thoughts aside Riku looked down at Sora who was looking at him with worry.

"Sorry. Just space off a little." Riku apologized shaking his head. Seeming convinced Sora smiled then gave Riku a half pout.

"Sorry I didn't know I was boring you so much."

"What? Sora no. I mean, I didn't, you weren't."

As Riku tripped over his words Sora began laughing. "I'm joking."

Riku relaxed. It seemed this Sora had the power to make him relax too, the thought made Riku smile.

"But to answer you question I'm helping another professor and sometimes his experiments run much longer than anticipated."

Riku raised a brown and they began walking again.

"So you are a genius huh?" Riku teased as he have Sora a slight push with his hip. Sora chuckled and returned the friendly shove.

"Nah, just anti-social and thus am a busy nerd who needs help making friends."

"Right." Riku laughed.

The rest of the way was spent in playful banter, as if they truly had been friends forever. Riku decided not explore those thoughts or else the part of the plan that required not passing out when meeting Sora would fail, spectacularly.

After parting ways, Riku walked back to his dorm with a wide grin on his face, to say Riku was happy would not do justice to how ecstatic he felt. Not only had he and Sora clicked right off but they had agreed to keep on meeting outside of class. And Sora was just, so Sora, he was everything Riku remembered, by this point Riku was too thrilled to really care to explore the real reason why he felt like he knew Sora so well.

If Riku was honest with himself nothing really mattered except the fact Sora was back in his life. Thinking about Sora's smile and easy going manner made Riku smile even wider, if that was possible, he felt as if he were truly walking on air. As if nothing could bring him down, ever, and that would have been perfect if Sora was there with him.

0o0o0

0o0o0

0o0o0

Cardel: (looks thoughtful) I'm not sure about this chapter, I'm really not.

Jin: I agree its too, blah.

Demak: Are you guys agonizing over this chapter again? Get over its happy and fluffy and we'll have plenty of angst next chapter, so let me enjoy this sweet moment.

Cardel: Oh don't get me wrong I love writing Sora meeting Riku, it's just Riku wouldn't cooperate with this chapter, he wasn't thoughtful enough.

Demak: You mean depressed and angsty and sad.

Cardel: Precisely!

Jin: Don't worry we can remedy that. (rubs hand manically)

Demak: Why do I even bother?Wait, question. Where did the hiccuping Tidus come from?

Cardel: You know what? I would really love to know that too, the idea just sort of popped into my head. With no help from you two.

Jin: (looks appalled) I should certanly hope not.

Cardel: Well on a lighter note, midterms are soooooo over and I did splendidly (grin) that's why this chapter came out now instead of next week so yay!

Demak: Hurra for you. Now can we please work on your other stories and drabbles? I like those better.

Cardel: Okay! Now readers tell what you think, I hope you liked Sora I'm having too much fun writing him in this story especially this chapter. Ja-ne!


	8. The Girl That Never Was

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Pairing: Riku/Sora

Rating: R, though for later chapters

A/N/shakes head/ I have no idea, no clue, why this took me so long. So I apologize for another super long hiatus and the short length of this chapter. And thank all you lovely people for reviewing, I love you guys /blows kisses/

(0o0o0) equals scene change

**/Ch 8/**

Elated and in cloud nine Riku didn't hear his name being called, until he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Hey."

Riku turned to the person who called his name and smiled.

"Hi guys how was class?" He asked cheerfully.

"Awesome." Squall replied without any enthusiasm. His hand fell away from Riku's shoulder. "Can we talk?"

Riku frowned, he didn't like how Squall's request had sounded more like a command, regardless he nodded. He had almost forgotten he had promised Squall that they would talk.

Together, with Tidus following reluctantly, they walked to Riku's room. Riku opened the door holding it open for Squall and Tidus. As Tidus passed through the door he shook his head sadly and gave Riku an apologetic smile and mouthed, "Sorry I tried," before stepping into the room.

Riku closed the door. Squall took to leaning against his desk and Tidus sat in the chair. Riku sighed and proceeded to plop down on his bed throwing an arm over his eyes, closing them.

For a long moment there was silence in the room, on one spoke. Riku frankly was feeling frustrated he knew what Squall wanted to discuss, Sora. Riku, however, didn't feel like discussing anything and therefore didn't feel like making Squall's conversation easy by starting it.

So Riku waited and to think only a few minutes before he had been so happy. It made him sad that his friends felt the need to discuss Sora with him. Squall was still silent Riku withdrew his arm from his face and turned his face to look directly at Squall.

Squall stared, Riku stared back and waited. He could wait forever if need be.

"Riku." Finally Squall spoke sounding inquisitive. " Who is Sora?"

With a sigh Riku swung his legs over the side of the bed. He stared at the floor, what did Squall want? What did his friend want him to say?

"Sora, as far as I know is Selphie's friend and he is a student aid to my psychology professor. And as far as I can tell a pleasant person to be around." Riku finished still not looking at Squall for fear his friend would see the anger this inquisition brought upon him.

"Is that all Sora is?" Squall asked his voice holding suspicion and perhaps even a little contempt for Sora.

"I don't know. Should there be more, Squall?" Riku asked finally meeting Squall's eyes.

Giving a small sigh, Squall shook his head slowly. "Riku I'm worried for you."

At that moment Riku felt a small explosion of anger flare inside his chest and suddenly he couldn't take what Squall was saying.

"Why? Why are you so worried? Is it really so wrong to want to have new friends?" Riku all but yelled, his jaw was tense, set in anger the bed covers held tightly in his clenched fist as he glared up at Squall.

Tidus watched the event unfolding in front of him with sick fascination. He watched as Squall flinched hearing Riku's tone of voice and Tidus knew this was not going to end well.

Squall now stood straight as if he were a soldier called to attention his back rigid his hands close to his sides opening and closing.

"Of course it's not," Squall said answering Riku's question. "But that's not really the point."

"Than what is?" Riku asked. He leaned back on his elbows giving Squall a fake un-amused smirk and waited for Squall to answer.

"The point is, Riku, a few weeks ago when you fainted you uttered one name, the same name you first uttered when you woke up from your coma, the same name of the person you realized wasn't real the same name of the person you had lunch with today, Sora."

Riku felt his breathing coming faster as he listen to Squall, he knew the assumption Squall was coming up with, and though similar thoughts had crossed his mind he wasn't ready to hear them spoken out loud. Especially if the assumption sounded like an accusation.

"Riku." Squall continued. " We know you told everyone, doctors, the psychiatrist, the psychologist, your parents, and us, that you didn't believe Sora was real. But now, as I often have wondered, if you ever truly believed that."

Riku felt panic rising , Squall was indeed heading down a path of thought he had no desire to follow. But Riku couldn't let his friends know the truth, he couldn't let them know that, yes he had never believed Sora was not real. And that Squall was in fact right in assuming Sora was more than what Riku had described a few minutes earlier.

Sora, Riku believed, was the boy from his memories the one from the adventures he had conjured up while in a comatose state. Sadly Riku couldn't tell that to Squall. The problem facing Riku was the fact he didn't need too tell Squall anything. Squall had hit the nail right on the head, which made Riku feel threatened. And when he felt cornered he got defensive.

"Squall I'm not sure I like what you're suggesting." Riku said slowly his tone gave off a warning.

"Look Riku, if you want to make new friends that's great, but if there is a different reason why you want to befriend Sora."

"Wait." Riku's voice rose and he shot up from his sitting position. "Do you honestly think I'm so pathetic that I would befriend anyone who's name is Sora because the name reminded me of a false memory?"

Squall pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. This was not how this was suppose to go. If Riku really had no ulterior reason for befriending Sora than why was be being so defensive?

"Riku that's not what I meant. I just want you to be sure of what you're doing."

"Rally because it sounds to me like you're trying to control what I do."

"Don't be ridiculous."

"No. What's ridiculous is the way you always try to control what I'm dong, how you're always second guessing me trying to find something wrong with everything I do. Trying to see if anything I say or do pertains to Sora and I'm sick of it. I need you to be my friend Squall not a controlling parent."

Squall stared at a fuming Riku a few feet away from him, he was unsure how to respond. It was true though Riku was certainly old enough to make his own decisions and he had always felt protective towards Riku, even more so after his accident. But his intention had never been to make Riku feel as if he was being controlled. Perhaps he was the one who needed to reflect on his thoughts and clear his head and stop loathing a figment of Riku's imagination.

"I see." Was all Squall whispered before he took his leave.

Tidus could not believe what had just unfolded before him. He was torn between going after Squall or staying with Riku. He wanted to go see if Squall was okay but first he had to give Riku a piece of his mind.

Riku was staring at the closed door feeling awful but also frustrated. He blinked as Tidus stood in front of him. At least Tidus didn't feel the same way Squall did.

"Riku I'm this close to yelling at you but I think there had been enough of that today."

"You agree with Squall?"

Tidus scoffed.

"Of course not, but I won't say I completely disagree. Regardless of what I feel you two were over the line with each other. Squall is just worried about you he hates seeing you hurt. You and I are the closest thing he has to brothers, his worry for you is genuine but you know Squall he's not the most eloquent person with words and his approach was wrong but his heart was in the right place."

Riku rolled his eyes. "Come on Tidus, worried about me making new friends?"

Tiuds merely shook his head. "Squall may not be the best when voicing his thoughts with words, but he's not an idiot and neither am I. Whatever it is that you want from Sora it's not just friendship. Squall can see that and he's worried that you will be hurt if you don't find in Sora what you're hoping is there. What your mind and memories remember to be there."

Unable to look at Tidus, for fear his friend would see how true his words rang inside of him, Riku turned away.

"What are you talking about?" Riku asked still feigning his feelings.

Tidus walked to Riku and slowly sank to his knees in front of his friend. "Riku, don't treat us like mindless idiots, we know you never truly gave up on the idea that Sora is real. The truth is we never cared that you thought Sora was real, we only cared that you were happy. What Squall failed, miserably, to convey was that he just hopes for Sora's sake and yours that you're not trying to replace a real person with the memory of one. It wouldn't be right, it wouldn't be fair."

A silence stretched for what seemed hours, when in reality it was only a few moments. Finally Riku locked gazes with Tidus.

"I , I'm not." Riku whispered.

"Good." Tius said and ran a hand through his hair feeling not entirely convinced by what Riku had said. "I'm going to leave you now and go find Squall." Tidus stood. "And I suggest when the two of you decide to pull your heads out of your asses you talk this out."

Riku chuckled lightly. "Tidus," Tidus stopped with the door in his hand and turned to face Riku. "Thanks" Tidus nodded.

0o0o0

Once Tidus was gone, Riku flopped back on his bed. What had he done? He groaned, he had not meant to get so upset with Squall. Squall had, however, sounded so accusatory and those accusations brought back all the unpleasant memories of having to defend his memories and Sora from everyone.

Unfortunately his brain had, for a few moments, forgotten that Tidus and Squall were not everyone. His two best friends had been the only people who had never questioned his sanity and his memories. Sadly the damage was done and he could not erase the few moments with Squall. All he could do was apologize. Apologizing, however, was the furthest thought from his mind.

Riku's thoughts were going around and around the words Tidus had spoken a few minutes before. Tidus had said Squall was worried he was trying to replace a real person, the real person being in this case Sora, with the memory of one, the memory being the Sora he had claimed was just a figment of his imagination, the truth was he wasn't; today had proved that.

Earlier today, when he had been with Sora, talking with him, laughing he had not cared if Sora remembered him or if the Sora sitting in front of him was indeed the Sora from his mind. Sure there were similarities , but the fact remained, Sora was very real and a great person and it didn't matter if it was because of a hope and a memory that Riku had been initially drawn to him.

The Sora he had met and had lunch with was not being a replacement for a memory, Sora was very much his own person and the fact that he reminded Riku of his memories was no longer important. Nor was the fact that Sora looked exactly like the boy from his memories that small detail was a coincidence it had to be, there was no other explanation.

Tidus's words Riku took to heart though, he didn't want to subconsciously use Sora to replace his memories either. The Sora from his memories was still very real to him, real in the sense, that he had felt a real connection with Sora while he had been comatose. But now he was no longer in a coma and he had met a person who was so much like his memories it was as if he were dreaming all over again, but he wasn't.

Almost dejectedly, Riku realized he had a decision to make. He could let the Sora from his memories be that; just a memory and continue to obsess about his questionable existence. Or, and this second option made him feel empty, forget his memories forget everything he had ever thought to be real and get to know, the very real, Sora.

Kicking off his shoes Riku threw his hands over his eyes and just laid in quiet contemplation which lasted no longer than a full minute. Sitting up he donned his shoes back on. He needed fresh air, his room felt too claustrophobic.

Stepping out of his dorm building was sure to help, clear his head. Once outside Riku walked with no purpose no destination in mind. He wondered aimlessly not thinking about anything, or at least he tried not to think about anything. Riku scoffed to himself, when had he ever been able to put Sora out of his mind, it was useless to try now. When anything was in regards to Sora, Sora was ever present in his mind as he was now.

Riku decided it was time to face reality, no more wishing and wondering whether Sora was real or not. The Sora from his memories, he had to let go he had to let his memories rest. The fact was he liked Sora, the real Sora and it didn't matter to Riku why he looked exactly like the Sora from his memories maybe it was fate, destiny, Riku wasn't sure but he no longer cared.

The real Sora was an incredible person and Riku wanted to get to know him, regardless of what Squall thought he was not replacing the real Sora with a memory of one. No he could never do that, the Sora from his memories held a very special place in his heart and whether he ever found out what had happened while in his coma, the truth remained Sora was very real to him, but it was time to let his friend rest. It was time to move on, it was only fair to everyone both Sora's and himself included.

Riku sighed burying his hands in his pockets. He walked with his eyes to the ground spotting a bench he sat down with a heavy heart.

The decision was made he had to forget the other Sora. Things however were always easier said than done, even the thought of forgetting Sora brought a tightening feeling on his chest and he could feel a knot form in his throat. A sense of betrayal stole over his heart, Riku closed his eyes.

Had he not promised he would find Sora? Had he not sworn never to deny his existence? Was he in fact denying his existence by deciding to let his memories be memories? Suddenly Riku felt incredibly sad. Swallowing hard he opened his eyes and stood up. Deciding he had done enough thinking for a lifetime, he began walking back toward his dorm.

With every step Riku took he picked up speed until he all but broke into a run. Turning a sharp corner he came to a sudden stop as he collided with a body. Instead of stumbling back he reached forward to steady himself and the person he had bumped into.

"I'm sorry. Are you alright?" Riku apologized looking at the top of the girls head he had bumped into.

The girl had her eyes tightly shut but opened them slowly noticing she had not fallen to the floor.

"Yeah , I'm …" She began raising her face. Riku's eyes went wide and his arms tightened around the girls shoulders. It was Kairi or someone who looked exactly like her.

The girl had gone deadly still and was staring at Riku as if she had seen a ghost. Just as fast as the emotions had come they were gone and she broke away from Riku's hold taking a step back. She brought a hand to her mouth as if to keep herself from screaming.

"I'm uh," She took her hand away from her mouth. "Excuse me." Ducking her head she walked past Riku breaking into a run.

Blinking was the only movement Riku seemed to be capable of. He stood rooted to his spot and felt his hands shake, he closed his eyes. Finally he managed to get his legs to move but not far, he reached the wall of the near by building and slowly he left himself slide down along the wall until he was sitting on the ground.

A shuddering breath wracked through his body and he brought a trembling hand to his face. He didn't want to think he didn't want to know what had just happened, he couldn't, he wouldn't. He could only concentrate on breathing.

_Breathe Riku, breathe. _

Slow deep inhale. _That_.

Shaky exhale. _Was_.

Broken inhale. _Kairi_. Pause

0o0o0

Somehow Riku managed to stand on shaky legs and slowly he made his way back to his room. Once inside his room, leaned on the closed door. The entire walk back to his room had felt surreal he kept looking over his shoulder expecting to see heartless or Sora or his Souleater. Fortunately for him every time he looked over his shoulder there was nothing there but darkness, and silhouetted shadows.

Even though his encounter with Kairi had left him shaken to the core, at least now he knew the girl he had seen his first day had been Kairi. But than that was too much of a coincidence; not only had he met Sora but he had a friend named Kairi who he had just bumped into.

Riku could feel his heart racing and he could feel the beginning of a panic attack. Taking preventative measures he laid on his bed, closed his eyes and concentrated on breathing and nothing else. Somewhere along the line he fell into a fitful sleep.

0o0o0

The sky was dark the buildings as gloomy as ever, the weather perfectly matching the existence of the non-world Riku stood in. He was back in the World That Never Was, the streets were deserted his steps echoed all around him. Was he dreaming again?

Riku stopped walking and looked around, empty there was no one around, not even the heartless. And than he heard it, it was a quiet feminine voice.

"Don't be afraid." It was a whisper, Riku whipped around trying to located the sound.

"Please don't be afraid." A figured cloaked in black the face obscured by a hood materialized before him. And regardless of the assurance the voice tried to convey Riku took a step back.

"What is going on? Who are you?" Riku asked.

The girl, for Riku assumed as much judging from the voice, took a step closer to Riku. Riku stopped himself from taking another step back but not because he didn't want to he couldn't.

The girl's head was bowed obscuring her features even more, as if the cowl she wore didn't hide her enough. She was silent and all Riku could do was wait for her to speak.

"I, I'm not sure what is going on." She admitted sounding afraid and confused. "But it doesn't matter anymore." She was quiet again.

"Who are you?" Riku asked again his voice barely controlled anger and panic.

Slowly with hesitant movements she pulled the cowl back. Staring right back at Riku were cerulean eyes.

"Kairi!"

The surprise in her eyes was probably more than the surprise Riku felt. Riku however was too busy being shocked to notice.

"You remember." It was a whispered statement, but the proximity with which Kairi stood to Riku allowed Riku to hear her.

"Kairi, what is going on? What's happening to me?" Riku asked, in desperation hoping that Kairi had the answers he was looking for.

Kairi lifted her gaze to look at Riku, a look of despair crossed over her face as she took in his lost gaze. Her lips trembled slightly and Riku could swear he saw her eyes shining

with unshed tears. "Oh Riku."

And hearing her say his name surprised Riku more than, the tears in her eyes, or the tremble in her voice or the way her faced showed a painful sort of regret.

"It wasn't, you weren't." She took a deep breath and was quiet.

"What? Please tell what's going on. I feel like I'm going crazy. What's wrong with me?" Riku pleaded.

Kairi's tears finally fell free from her eyes and she turned away. She was silent for a few moments and than she nodded as if coming to a conclusion.

When she faced Riku again, Riku went to take a step back and was reminded that he was frozen in place. Riku did not like the look Kairi had in her eyes.

"I'm so, sorry Riku, it wasn't… It would best if you forgot."

Forget? Forget what, Riku didn't even know what he remembered. Riku tried to back away again and when he couldn't, the panic began to set in. Just as he was about to voice his protest he felt something inside his head, in his mind. It was a cool, feather light touch that while strange and invasive was not unpleasant. Riku gave Kairi an accusing gaze, it didn't matter how unobtrusive the touch felt, she was still doing something to his mind.

"Whatever you're doing stop." Riku heard himself say in a calm voice, though inside he was shaking with fear. Kairi wouldn't hurt him, would she?

"I really am sorry but it's for the best."

And just as she appeared she was gone in a flash of blinding light. As was the memory of ever meeting Kairi, in Kingdom Hearts or bumping into her in the real world a few hours back

0o0o0

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Cardel: err are you guys confused yet. And umm school and classes suck??

Jin: Is that a question?

Demak: Nope excuses.

Jin: And lame one's too.

Cardel: But it's my birthday and

Jin: You'll post if you want to, post if you want to

Demak: You could post too if it happened to

Cardel: Noooo you guys are weird.

Jin:/shurgs/ Right so what does that say about you?

Cardel: Whatever and umm /flails arms/ I hope someone's still reading this. Drop me a line. Now I gotta go and celebrate my B-Day. Ja-ne


	9. Dreaming of Freud and SpongeBob

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Pairing: Riku/Sora

Rating: R, though for later chapters

A/N:/sighs/ A way over due update I am so, sorry, but at least I'm still working on it. That's something right/crickets/ err right.

Before you read the story I would like to clear up some confusion. When I started this fic back in 2004 CoM hadn't even come out and when it did and I played and finished the game I had almost written half of the story. That being said some of the new characters from CoM/ KH2 won't appear in any of the early chapters and only some will appear later on because they fit in perfectly with the plot. So please keep this in mind when reading later chapters it will help you understand why things are the way they are.

**/Ch 9/**

_"You forgot me." _

_"You promised you would find me, but you didn't."_

_"__You promised__ you would never forget me, but you did."_

_"You broke your promise, you forgot me."_

The quiet accusations had been a part of Riku's reoccurring dream for a few nights; the guilt was slowly driving him crazy. But he tried to tell himself it was only a dream, nothing more. Riku tried to keep his eyes from closing in class; his sleep patterns had been nonexistent for the past few days.

"Okay have a good day and remember to at least gloss over chapter nine." Riku heard Michael call out.

Riku was glad he liked his psychology class or else he felt he would be in a lot of trouble, and they were studying his favorite nut, Freud. Students began filing out, but Riku lingered behind waiting for everyone to leave before approaching Michael and Sora who were gathering their things.

"You know?" Riku began. "If Freud had been half right about his theories we would be in so much trouble."

Both Sora and Michael looked up and began laughing at the same time, clearly agreeing with Riku.

"Yes I imagine we would be." Michael said as he finished gathering his materials.

"There is however much to be said about his not so crazy ideas."

Riku raised a brow thinking about Sora's statement.

"If you mean the Ego, Id and the superego, I think you need your head examined. I mean don't get me wrong to some extent I agree but ultimately it comes down to who you are as a person. To me that theory sounds more like Freud's way to excuse his own, irrational internal problems, than actual science."

It was a challenging statement, a challenge Sora took gladly.

"Perhaps but if it wasn't for Freud and his crazy theories where would psychology be today, psychics would be unemployed without dream analysis and where would poor Carl Jung be?"

"Trying to kill his father and bed his mother." Riku answered in a deadpan. Sora stared and laughed, he loved discussing something he knew with someone who appeared to enjoy it as much as he did.

For his part Riku felt a warm sensation spread throughout his body, knowing he was the one responsible for Sora's smile.

"Well gentlemen as much as I am enjoying this discussion I'm afraid I have another class to catch, so have fun and I'll see you both next class session."

Riku and Sora watched Michael leave, once he was out the door Riku turned to Sora.

"Lunch?" Riku asked hopefully as they began walking out of the room and down the hall.

"I would really much rather have lunch with you but I have class in about fifteen minutes. But you can walk with me if you'd like?"

Though feeling disappointed Riku nodded and followed Sora.

"How have you been?" Asked Riku.

Sora laughed and rubbed the back of his head in a tired motion. "Honestly. Terrible, I think I got two hours of sleep last night."

Riku winced and gave Sora an understanding smile. "I know the feeling."

"I almost regret taking so many classes though it's only for this semester. Next semester I'm definitely taking a lighter coursework." Sora said nodding his head.

Chuckling Riku smiled at Sora, wishing the reason for his sleep apnea was coursework rather than weird dreams.

"Plus I keep having these weir dreams."

Riku froze and turned slowly to Sora.

"I keep dreaming I'm giving a lecture to a bunch of old coots on the benefits of using hybrid cars as oppose jet planes, don't ask. When my friend Kairi runs in waving a pair of brightly colored SpongeBob underwear claiming they're my lucky ones and I shouldn't leave home without them." Sora finished and began laughing.

After hearing Sora's tale Riku smile and laughed. Though for a minute he thought Sora was having dreams like his own.

"I miss Kairi." Sora whispered in a somber tone.

"Where is she?" Riku asked feeling a little jelouse.

"She transferred to another school. I knew she was leaving since the beginning of the semester, but she's like my sister." Sora stated which made Riku relax. "You would have liked her."

They walked quietly Riku neither agreeing nor disagreeing with Sora. He had never met his friend Kairi, though he was sure that if she was Sora's friend then she was a great person, like Selphie.

"Selphie was telling me yesterday you guys met in math class." Sora stated returning back to his cheerful self.

"Yeah she's great, she immediately reminded me of my friend Tidus; remember him?" Riku asked.

"Yeah, the blond right?"

Riku nodded. "Yes that's him. They get along great. They both talk so much, though, sometimes I think they're competing to see which one can out talk the other." Sora laughed.

"That sounds like Selphie. So you and your friends decided to come here together or did you guys meet here?"

Riku shook his head and bit the inside of his lip.

"No. Squall, Tidus and I have been friends since we were in diapers. It seems like we've been friends for ever, we had the same teachers most of the same classes. Though, going to the same university was a coincidence, well not for Tidus and Squall they're both studying to become M.D's. I'm here for psychology."

Sora nodded, seeming to be absorbing all the information.

"So this is you guy's first year?" Sora asked and missed the slight frown on Riku's face.

"It's my first year, their second." Riku answered.

"Huh? I thought you were the same age?"

"We are," Riku shrugged. "I just sort of need to be held back a year."

Stopping in front of a classroom door to what Riku assumed was Sora's next class, he smiled at Sora knowing the question was coming and he tried not to sound strange. Sora was after all a psychology major and he could probably pick up on behavior and mood changes easily.

"Why is that?" Sora asked standing close to Riku looking up at him as if it was the most important thing in the world. And that was the problem Sora had always made him feel that way; as if he was the only one in the world who mattered.

"Sora! Just the person I wanted to see. Can you see me before class starts?" Sora smiled at the person who had just saved Riku from having to talk about his accident. Sora nodded to his professor and turned back to Riku and gave him an apologetic look.

"Sorry, tell you what though tomorrow lunch at one?" Sora said looking hopefully at Riku waiting for an answer. As if Riku could ever deny him anything.

"You bet." Riku answered.

Sora beamed, Riku looked startled. Sora had been genuinely excited about having lunch with him, the thought made him smile as he walked down the hall.

Exiting the building through a side door Riku stepped out into a sunny but crisp afternoon and he wondered how much longer the warm weather would last before it gave way to a much chillier fall, not long he suspected.

Cutting through the grass he reached a sidewalk and ahead of him spotted Squall's familiar form. Riku felt a pang in his chest, he needed to talk to Squall and sort out the mess they had made a few days ago. Riku picked up his pace to catch up to Squall.

Once he was behind Squall he stepped to the side and fell into to step with his friend. Squall gave him a look out of the corner of his eyes but said nothing.

"Can we talk?" Riku asked.

"Last time we did that, it didn't go over well." Squall replied still looking ahead.

Bowing his head Riku knew it was true but their little fight hadn't been entirely his fault. "I know, but that doesn't mean we can't try again. Unless of course, you don't want to." Riku asked in a hushed voice.

Out of the corner of his eye, Squall, saw Riku reach up and start fumbling with the chain of his necklace through his shirt, something he only did when he was nervous. Squall sighed and shook his head. "That's not what I want. I'll meet you out here after my class."

Riku nodded in agreement and stopped walking, watching as Squall began his ascend to what Riku assumed was his class. When Riku could no longer see Squall he turned and walked away, burying his hands in his pockets.

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After grabbing something to eat and making small talk with some of his fellow class mates he had run into, Riku decided to head for the Library to do some work and to kill time. He still had an hour left until he met up with Squall.

In the library he headed to the right and up the stairs to the second floor where the study area was. There were tables all throughout the library, groups of people working together filling the room with quiet murmurs. This area was too loud for Riku's taste, fortunately, the second floor also had an area specifically reserved for just doing quiet work not group work, Riku headed for that area.

Rows of tables were illuminated by the sun coming through the wall to ceiling windows. The windows stretched from the back tables running to the side, Riku walked towards one of the empty side tables, pausing a second to look outside. That side of the building over looked one of the university's man made pond, which was also surrounded by willow trees near its bank.

Riku could see a class standing around the edge of the pond with measuring equipment and charts in their hands. Probably a science class, Riku assumed.

Turning away from the sight he sat down, placing his back pack on the table top and began taking out his book and notebook. His mind however wasn't too much on his work; his thoughts kept drifting back to the impending conversation with Squall.

Out of his peripheral vision he caught movement and he turned to see a familiar girl approach. She was smiling at him as she stopped by his table.

"Hi. It's Riku right?" He nodded. "I'm Michelle we have Physiology together." Michelle explained, though Riku had recognized her.

"Hi Michelle, What's up?"

"Well I was sitting over there," She pointed to a now empty table, "trying to understand this case study, when I saw you were here with your psych book and I thought I'd come over and see if you were having more success than I am."

Michelle smiled and shrugged. "I don't know maybe you can help shed some light on this." She finished giving Riku a hopeful look.

Glad to have a distraction from his current thoughts Riku smiled. "Sure pull up a chair. Though I have to say I'm not exactly great."

"Are you kidding" Michelle exclaimed pulling out a chair sitting down. "Beside Sora I think you're the only one who can keep up with Michael."

"Thanks but since I am majoring in Psychology I think it would be sad if I couldn't keep up with the class." Riku explained trying to fight down the blush he felt coming.

"So will you help me?"

Riku nodded and Michelle seemed to relax. "Thank you, I mean I went to ask Michael for help but he said he would be at meetings all week and he said to talk to Sora but."

She said with a shrug leaving her sentence unfinished.

"You don't like Sora?" Riku asked trying not to sound too protective or defensive at her tone of voice. Riku waited for an answered as he pointedly ignored her eyes afraid she would see the annoyance he was feeling towards her.

Michelle's eyes went wide and she shook her head. "Oh no it's not that at all. It's just he is a genius, he's only nineteen years old. When I was his age three years ago do you know what I was doing?" She asked rhetorically.

"I Was back packing through Europe with the guise of trying to find myself when, really, all I wanted to do was get as far away from my parents as I could to get as wasted as I possibly could. And Sora he may as well be teaching the class it's intimidating really." Michelle finished tapping her pencil up and down.

"Wow." Was Riku's unintelligent reply.

She laughed. "Yeah that's generally the usual reaction. So you see I don't dislike Sora, he's just intimidating. And I guess the rumors about him don't help much not that I ever believed any of them."

Riku's brow creased in a frown. "Rumors? What kind of rumors?"

Michelle shrugged now wearing a frown of her own. "Just the stupid kind that envious people make up." She paused and seemed to be thinking about her choice of words. "Sora is very smart, I've even heard people call him a prodigy, but some people would rather interpret his intelligence and grades as to him sleeping with the professor, having some type of nepotism or him being a test subject which made him smart."

"Are you kidding?" Riku asked thinking how ridiculous the accusations were. Michelle shook her head and looked out the window.

"It was the first rumor that stuck the longest."

"Now I know you're just pulling my leg" Riku said his voice sounding amused though uncertainty had crept into the pit of his stomach. Even though he felt like he knew Sora, the reality was he didn't know him at all. He had no idea what Sora's life had been like before him.

"At the time those rumors started there was a professor who Sora was helping. This professor was doing some experiments that were considered unethical and he was fired. Sora seemed devastated but he was never blamed or associated at all with what the professor was doing." Michelle explained.

"What kind of experiments?" Riku asked his mouth going dry his mind not on his question but contemplating the possibility of the accusations against Sora.

Michelle looked uncomfortable. "In all honesty no one really knows, the board members and the department chairs were very hush, hush, and it was scary how virtually none of this leaked out to the media. But when you live in close quarters like these even with thousands of people, it's like a tight knit community where there is no privacy." She frowned.

"I guess someone leaked out that what was so unethical about his experiments was that they were using human subjects, or so the rumors say. They were using orphan children, who were brought to the university hospital for one reason or another."

Riku was silent as he processed what he had just been told. Michelle shrugged and pulled her book closer to herself.

"No one really knows if it's true or not." She shrugged. Riku nodded.

"What happened to his research to the children?" Riku asked curious to know what had happened.

"The research was, allegedly, destroyed. The children; none of them remember ever meeting the professor or ever having seen him. That's why he was only fired instead of having had a harsher reprimand. And all the rumors became just rumors and eventually people blew it off." Michelle said.

"How long ago did this, allegedly, happen?"

"Five years ago."

Riku frowned. "That means Sora was only fourteen." He stated, now doubting all of the rumors made about his friend.

"Yeah that's why people still remember him because he was so young. And that's why people jumped to the conclusion that Sora's presence with the professor was because he was being sexually exploited. No one wanted to believe differently." Michelle smiled ruefully.

"As it turned out Sora was just a young genius, truly aiding the professor with his legitimate work. Don't you remember? It was all over the news; didn't you watch any of it?" Michelle asked.

"No ,I" Riku shook his head slowly. "I was in a coma."

0o0 0o0 0o0

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After that odd conversation which left Riku with a lot of curiosity, they delved into their assignments. Awhile later, Michelle left saying she had another class, Riku nodded and explained he needed to meet with someone soon.

As they parted Riku walked to the science buildings to wait for Squall. He tried to get the story Michelle had just told him out of his head, but he couldn't it was too bizarre. Riku, however, didn't have time to wonder too much on the subject as Squall joined him and silently they began to walk with no place in mind.

"What I said," Riku began pushing all previous thoughts from his mind aside and deciding it was up to him to start this particular conversation.

"The things I said were uncalled for and I do appreciate that you care about me enough to worry, but I don't understand the reason." Riku finished and looked at Squall who was merely staring ahead, Riku sighed and continued.

"And it's my fault isn't it? You and Tidus have been like brothers to me and I have kept things from both of you."

Finally Squall nodded, indicating Riku should continue.

"Squall, before I say anything I want you to listen to me; really listen." With a minute frown Squall nodded. Riku took a deep breath before continuing and sat down on a nearby bench, Squall following suit.

"You were right. I have never stopped believing that Sora is real. I lied to my parents to the doctors and to you and Tidus."

"Riku," Squall began but closed his mouth waiting for Riku to finish.

"I, Sora holds a very dear place in my heart and even though he may not be real in our world he is very real to me and I'm not ready to let him go yet." Riku paused lowering his head. "I'm not sure I ever will," he finished in a near whisper.

"What about the real Sora?" Squall finally asked. "Are you sure you're not trying to find your Sora in him?"

Riku looked down at the ground and then locked eyes with Squall. "No, not anymore." Riku answered.

"I like Sora for who he is, not because he may or may not remind me of someone who is best left as a memory." Riku explained and though he still felt an ache in his heart when admitting his Sora may not have, ever, been real; it was dull.

"Riku as long as you're not harming yourself by wanting to find this Sora I'm behind you. I do worry for you, but like you pointed out it's not really my place." Squall admitted. Riku was about to protest but Squall was not finished talking.

"Just know that you are my brother, regardless of blood and if it is in my power to do so I won't let you get hurt." He paused. "Yesterday I came on too strong and I apologize. If it's Sora _this_ Sora you want to be with; then be with him"

"Squall." Riku whispered.

"And as for what you said before about lying to everyone; Tidus and I know you better than anyone, we knew. We were just waiting for you to be ready to tell us." Squall smiled and sighed. "I know there are things we don't tell each other, I understand that, but know that regardless I'll always be there for you."

Riku nodded feeling an overwhelming feeling of warmth fill his heart. Squall stood up and began to walk away.

"Squall." Riku called and Squall stopped half turning to face Riku. "I love you."

Squall's face softened and his lips pulled up into a smile, 'I love you too.' It was such a soft reply Riku read Squall's lips rather than heard the words.

A shadow was cast over them and they looked up to see a dripping wet, grinning Tidus standing in front of them with his arms crossed over his chest. With a small hop Tidus wedge himself between his two friends placing each arm around his friends shoulders making their clothes wet.

"You kissed and made up," He paused, "expect for the kiss part that would just be weird."

"Tidus." Squall warned.

"Why are you wet?" Riku asked.

"Polo practice." Tidus explained bringing his hands back to himself. "So you guys did talk right."

Before anyone could say anything the squishy sound of soaked shoes reached their ears as an equally soaked Wakka stopped in front of them.

"Tidus," he began out of breath "coach just found what we did in the freshmen changing room."

Tidus's response was to smile as he reclined further on the bench, "So what, he has no proof it was us."

Squall sighed as if saying what did he do now and Riku wondered what kind of trouble Tidus would be getting into.

"Yeah you can say that after you wash the blood from your hands." Wakka smirked as he ran in the direction of his dorm room. Tidus's eyes went wide with fear before he shot up from the bench.

"Hey wait up." Tidus yelled starting to make his way towards Wakka who had stopped to wait for Tidus to catch up.

"What did you do Tidus?" Riku called out.

"I'll tell you later" Tidus replied as he waved good bye showing one brightly colored red hand palm.

Riku smiled as he watched his friend leave. Squall sighed and shook his head looking in the same direction.

"What's wrong?" Riku asked recognizing Squall sigh as one of concern rather than irritation.

"He needs to prioritize. If he wants to become a doctor he needs to pour his entire self into his studies, his grades are already suffering because his Water Polo practices and meets monopolize too much of his time." Squall explained.

"Maybe being a doctor isn't what he really wants." Riku reasoned as he looked up at the sky. Squall nodded.

"If that's the case, he should be trying to figure out what he wants instead of socializing with people who don't give a damn about what he does with his life as long as he's there to pull childish pranks." Squall all but sneered.

A smiled formed on Riku's lips. "Leonhart are you jealous?" Riku teased.

Squall gave him an icy glare. "Of that red-headed jock, hardly." He said with barely concealed disgust.

Riku's smile became wider, he had actually been referring to being left out of the prank pulling, but decided it was wiser not to tell Squall. Though Riku wondered why Squall assumed he was talking about Wakka, who was usually saving Tidus's ass more often than not. Which meant his theory was correct Squall was jealous, Riku just didn't know for what reason.

Freud would definitely have a field day with his friends. He would probably deduce Squall's comment as Squall having repressed feelings for Tidus. The thought almost made him laugh out loud.

Dismissing the thoughts from his mind he put his arm around Squall slightly damp shoulder, courtesy of Tidus, and said, "You are such a mother hen."

For his comment Riku won himself one of Squall's famous irritated "fuck off" looks. Squall stood and walked away calling over his shoulder, "I'll see you later."

Riku chuckled, his gaze still turned towards the sky and suddenly all felt right with the world again.

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Cardel: Is this story ever going to be not confusing?

Jin: Eventually, probably towards the very end.

Demak: Which won't happen unless you write, type, post and update.

Cardel:/taking notes/ Write, type what was the other one?

Jin: lulz! Oh that's sad /laughs/

Cardel: Hey I just finished a grueling semester, leave me alone or I'll go be emo in the corner for the rest of the summer, while ignoring you and your ridiculous demands for angst.

Jin: And the difference from now would be?

Cardel: I'll write anything Demak wants.

Demak:/happy/ yay! Fluff

Jin: Bring it on.

Cardel: And I'll play the Sound of Music soundtrack and put it on repeat.

Jin/shrieks/ AHHH THE HORROR, THE HORRO/ded/

Cardel: Sorry about that, now the part where Riku talks about Freud, that's just me pulling

Sh-t out of me ass, I took one semester of psych and I'm so not an expert. Also I'm having some trouble with a minor part of the fic, originally the second paring was Wakka/Tidus but now, somehow, I don't know how /looks accusingly at Deamk/

Demak/whistles innocently/

Cardel: Squall/Tidus has sort of written itself in, but I can fix it without affecting any of the plot, since it's just a side paring and not the main paring, but I would really like to know what you guys think. Wakka/Tidus or Squall/Tidus? I'm completely impartial I like them both equally.

Demak/pokes Jin with a stick/ should I give him a phoenix down?

Cardel/sighs/ well I still need him so I can finish other projects, so go ahead.

Demak: Oh sure after I give him a little make over.

Cardel: err what are you doing?

Demak: You know how Jin makes fun of me because I'm a guy with pink hair/pulls out pink hair dye/ lulz beware of my wrath!!

Cardel: Umm you're supposed to be my fluff muse.

Demak; Not today /hums row, row, row your boat, while coloring Jin's hair/

Cardel: note to self, don't pass out near Demak. Umm so I hope you lovely readers still remember this fic and let me know what you think.


	10. Distortion

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Pairing: Riku/Sora

Rating: R, though for later chapters

A/N: Two updates in a month, stranger things have been known to happen. Like my family leaving me for two weeks to go to Mexico /sniffle/

**/Ch 10/**

Lunch with Sora happened outside, on the grass, beneath one of the trees around the campus. The conversation so far had been light and friendly even though Riku wanted to desperately ask Sora about the rumors Michelle had told him about. Though Riku figured asking Sora those types of questions now would be unwise, Sora had never made any comments in regards to the rumors so Riku was not about to bring it up if it was a sore spot for Sora.

"You never answered my question the other day." Sora said between bites of his food.

Chewing slowly Riku knew Sora was picking up the conversation they hadn't finished yesterday regarding his accident. Sora, however, had no indication to believe the topic was a sensitive subject for Riku. And unlike last time, there would be no one to interrupt them. And almost reluctantly Riku answered. "I had an accident and I was in a comma for a year. That's why I'm a grade behind Squall and Tidus."

Sora's eyes went wide and he swallowed his food with an audible gulp.

"That's horrible. How did it happen?" Asked the brunette.

"I got hit by a car." Riku answered and even to himself he sounded as if he didn't want to relinquish any information. For a second he had the inexplicable idea that Sora should already know, but that was illogical. He shouldn't feel angry or resentful towards his friend, for something he had no previous knowledge of.

Pushing his negatives feeling aside he focused back on Sora and answering his questions. "I don't remember what happened. The events leading to the accident are crystal clear but I can't remember being hit. I just know that I was out and next thing I knew I was awake, a year later."

"It must have been difficult for you, I mean walking up a year later. I can't even begin to imagine." Sora said sympathizing with Riku.

However, before Riku could answer anymore of Sora's questions Tidus and Selphie came bouncing, yes they were bouncing up to them.

"Guess where we're all going Friday night?" Selphie asked, stopping in front of Sora's and Riku's sitting place.

"Umm to sleep!" Sora replied cheerfully.

"You're no fun." Said Selphie pouting and then continued cheerfully. "We're going to Elixir. See Tidus and I have been talking."

"Wait, you mean you've been talking to each other instead of having a talking contest?" Riku asked glad for the distraction Tidus and Selphie provided.

"Ha-ha you're so funny Riku."

Selphie ignored them. "Anyway we we're thinking, that, we haven't been out since the term started and we deserve a break so how about it. Are you guys up for a little night excursion?"

"Sure Selphie." Sora agreed and turned to Riku. "Are you coming?" Sora asked and again that hopeful look on his face appeared.

"Of course."

"Great, I'll go and ask Leon now." Tidus said and he and Selphie left, bouncing towards the dorms.

Once Tidus and Selphie had disappeared from view Sora and Riku finished eating their lunch. The previous conversation was forgotten.

Riku stood and dusted off his jeans and reached down to help Sora from the grass. Sora accepted his hand and the moment their hands connected, Riku felt as if an opened link on a chain had been snapped closed.

In one moment Riku was well aware of the warmth of Sora's hand in his and how right the contact felt. Most importantly, and even startling, was the familiarity he felt. The feeling that something so simple, as holding hands, could make him feel such strong emotions was overwhelming. It felt as if he and Sora had held hands many times before.

There almost seemed to be something magnetic drawing them together. And Riku wanted it; he wanted to be close to Sora. Riku took a step forward and stopped.

Sora's eyes were locked on his, with a look of surprise on his expressive blue eyes. Riku's breath caught in his throat. He hadn't even realized Sora had stood up, but now looking at Sora he snapped out of his daze and offered him a small smile. Sora returned the smile before lowering his eyelashes appearing embarrassed.

Once Riku released Sora's hand, Sora gave him another smile before scratching the back of his neck nervously. The action made Riku feel a pang of loss in his heart and caused him to smile fondly at Sora. _Sora__ used to do that t__o__o._He quickly dismissed the thought.

"So I'll see you on Friday."

Fighting the urge to make more physical contact with Sora, Riku stuffed his hands in his jean pockets and nodded.

"Yeah." Riku answered.

For one second it seemed Sora was about to say something but ended up giving Riku another smile. "Right then, see ya." And he was gone.

Letting out a breath, he didn't know he was holding, Riku ran a hand through his hair then rubbed his face furiously.

"Get it together Riku, he is not that Sora." He whispered into his hands. And Riku could not explain why that statement felt so wrong, and why Sora felt so… right.

Hadn't he already decided, Sora was not the Sora from his dreams and regardless of that he still wanted to know this Sora for who he was, instead of for who he reminded him off?

With a gloomy expression he entered his dorm building only to bump into Tidus sans Selphie.

"Oh hey, I was just coming to find you. Now you can help me convince Squall that." Tidus stopped and frowned as he noticed Riku's mood. "What's wrong did you and Sora fight?"

"What? No. I'm just, not looking forward to a test I have tomorrow." He lied. "Now what were you saying about convincing Squall?"

Tidus didn't buy Riku's act, but decided to let it slide. Riku obviously didn't want to talk about whatever was bothering him. Idly Tidus wondered if Riku would ever figure out, bottling his feelings would do him no good.

Putting those thoughts aside Tidus got back on track. "Squall doesn't want to come with us this Friday." Tidus said as he walked up the stairs and led Riku to Squall's room. Without knocking Tidus entered the room.

"I've brought reinforcements. " Tidus proclaimed with a smile that faltered when his eyes landed on the girl in the room.

The girl had a pretty almost doll like face, here dark hair was accentuated by a few light brown highlights. She smiled politely at them and Riku could have sworn Squall looked relieved to have his two best friends there.

"Oh, hi Rinoa." Tidus greeted the girl without any of his usual cheer and he actually seemed hesitant to enter the room.

"Hello Tidus." Rinoa greeted him, her eyes shifting to Riku.

Seeing no one was making any effort to make introductions, Riku stepped forward his hand outstretched. "Hi, I'm Riku."

"Hello, I've heard a lot about you. You're Squall's and Tidus's best friend right?" She asked shaking his hand. Riku nodded, she smiled and turned back to Squall.

"You don't have to answer now. I'll talk to you later." The only one not lost by that statement was Squall who shook his head.

"I'm sorry I can't go with you. I had already promised Tidus and Riku I would go out with them."

Her pretty face faltered somewhat, she looked back to Riku and Tidus. A small frown on her features appeared as her eyes landed on Tidus, who was making it a point to look anywhere but at Squall or Rinoa.

And suddenly Riku felt the tension in the room build up and he wondered what the story was behind this scenario.

Like a well practiced actress, Riku watched the girl turn back to Squall, her smile was back in place her doll like face as pleasant as ever.

"Alright." However the sadness, she could not keep from her voice. Squall seemed to notice as he shifted a fraction.

"You're welcome to come with us if you would like." Squall offered. Riku was sure only he and Tidus could hear the reluctance and guilt in Squall's voice.

"That's okay maybe some other time." She replied and turned back to face Riku. "It was nice meeting you Riku."

"Likewise."

"I'll see you later Squall." She said smiling at Squall. Turning she gave Tidus a tight nod, which he didn't return, and then she left.

The tension in the room seemed to increase. Squall stared at Tidus, as if silently willing him to look at him. Tiuds stared at the floor with a frown on his face. Slowly Tidus lifted his head, a forced smile appeared on his lips.

"I just remembered I still have to search for two more references for my essay due tomorrow. I'll see you guys later."

"Tidus." Squall called softly, which made Riku do a double take. Squall never used that tone.

"Later." Tidus repeated, as he shoved his hands in his pockets and walked away with his gaze cast down.

Deciding he would get no answers from Tidus at the moment, Riku closed the door leaning on it. "What was that about?" He asked Squall.

Looking thoughtful Squall drummed his fingertips on his desk. "I'm not entirely sure."

Squall sighed. He stared at Riku and Riku knew Squall was getting ready to give him a lengthy talk.

"Last year, Rinoa and I dated. It wasn't serious just a few dates, but I could tell she wanted it to be more serious. I never entertained the idea much; which I think frustrated her and finally she said we should just be friends."

Riku nodded indicating Squall should continue.

"Tidus told me he was relived we were no longer seeing each other. He said Rinoa didn't really like him and he had no idea why. I never actually noticed and I thought he was saying that in order to keep me from feeling guilty, which I wasn't." Squall was silent and a frown formed on his face.

"Then one day, I saw Rinoa storming out of Tidus's room. When I went in to see Tidus he seemed upset. The look on his face was, so sad. He was so upset, he was almost close to tears but he wouldn't tell me what had happened. All I knew was that Rinoa had something to do with it."

Riku walked further into the room and sat on Squall's bed.

"And Tidus never told you what happened?" Squall shook his head. "And you never asked her?"

"Of course I did. She claimed she and Tidus had just had a difference of opinion regarding a topic they were discussing for their speech class and that they had gotten a little too into things. "Squall explained.

Riku shook his head a frown appeared on his face. "That sounds like a lie."

"Don't you think I know that? What was I suppose to do when neither of them would tell me the truth?" Frustrated Squall ran a hand over his hair. Riku, being caught up in the implications of the conversation, missed the obvious action of distress.

"Well whatever it was, it's obvious Tidus hasn't let it go yet."

Which was saying a lot; Tidus's nature was to be easy going, he didn't hold grudges and with the exception of a handful of people, who truly deserve it, he couldn't stay angry at anyone longer than five minutes. Whatever this Rinoa girl had said to him, must have been upsetting enough to make him flee the room whenever she was present.

Suddenly Riku felt protective towards his friend. He looked over at Squall. "I hope you don't mind if I'm no longer polite to her."

Squall raised a brow. Riku explained. "I don't like people who make my friends feel like shit."

Standing from his seat on Squall's bed, Riku walked towards the door. His anger was getting the best of him and if didn't leave he would say something he would surely regret later.

"Riku?" Squall sounded confused. Riku turned to face him.

"Look, "he began choosing his words carefully. "I'm not sure what kind of relationship you have with Rinoa but she did something to make Tidus feel like crap. And even though Tidus never told you what that was and even though it clearly still makes him upset I bet you it hurts him even more, to see you still talking to someone who obviously doesn't' like him. Or did you miss the sneer she gave him before she left?"

Leaving a dumbfounded Squall behind Riku walked in search of Tidus and decided he was too angry to be of any help to his friend. Changing his direction Riku headed for the gym; he was paying for a year subscription he may as well use it and burn off some steam.

After two hours at the gym, the cold water cascading down his back felt like heaven. He could feel all his muscles relaxing. Unfortunately it was getting late so he took a quick shower and headed to his room.

In retrospect, he knew he shouldn't have snapped at Squall but Squall was being blind. How could he not have seen the obvious dislike Rinoa had towards Tiuds. Though he could be wrong, it was entirely possible for Rinoa to never have shown any dislike for Tidus in front of Squall, until now.

Regardless, Riku would apologize to Squall though he would do so later. At the moment all he wanted to do was sleep. With a sigh he entered his room and stripping down to his boxers he crawled into bed.

0o0 0o0 0o0

0o0 0o0 0o0

_Turning to the screaming boy __Riku__ finished the heartless in front of him with a quick slash and jumped towards __Sora__. Standing back to back with __Sora__ he __faced__ the __army of__ heartless __that was closing in; __surrounding__ them._

_Their yellow eyes coming __close__r__ their dark forms swallowing all the light, all the light around them. Suddenly __Riku__ felt fear and panic. It was only __two__ of them against thousands and he could not breathe._

_His eyes were fixed on the black creatures around him__ which seemed to have melded t__o__gether to become one black hole__that threatened to swallow them __whole__Riku__ closed his eyes__ he could feel his hands tre__m__bling and his weapon shook._

_"__Don't be afraid, I'm right here. I'll always be here.__" He hear__d__Sora's__ voice __in his head __and then felt the warmth of __Sora's__ hand wrapping around his._

_Among all the darkness__ behind him was his light his beacon of hope. __Hardening__ his resolve __Riku__ opened his __eyes and__ released __Sora's__ hand. Taking a fighting stance he gripped his weapon tightly. As long as he had __Sora__ he would never lose._

_"Come on __Sora__. Together__ we can do it."_

_The dream faded and light appeared. The sun was almost unbearably hot and __Riku__ wiped sweat from his brow._

_"Here, these are the last of the supplies."_

_Straightening up, momentarily stopping his work on the raft, __Riku__ turned and smiled at __Sora__. He stepped off the raft and onto the sand. He opened his mouth to speak and frowned. __There__ was something wrong, something felt off._

_"Shouldn't there be someone telling us to gather supplies?" He asked looking around them only to find the island __deserted__ but for the two of them._

_"No." __Sora__ replied cheerfully. "__Riku__ I think you've been under the sun too __long__." He giggled. "Come on let's go rest__ I'll race you." He challenged._

_Sora__ took off with __Riku__ right __on__ his heels. The sand became solid clouds under their feet and they floated through the air. That didn't seem to faze them nor did it seem odd. Though shouldn't __there__ be someone challenging them to race? __Riku__ thought._

_"I win." __Sora__smiled_

Riku woke up to his quiet room. The last thread form his dream lingered in his mind. A smile formed on his lips. This would be a good day; it always was when he dreamed about Sora.

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"You don't need to apologize if that's why you're here." Squall announced as soon as he had seen Riku standing by his door. Riku frowned and opened his mouth to protest, but squall cut him off.

"You were right. I should have stopped talking to Rinoa, it's just I never actually noticed how hostile she was towards Tidus." Squall finished explaining.

They were quiet. Squall took on a pensive look. Riku knew Squall still had more to say but the expression on his face told him Squall wasn't entirely sure how to say it.

"Do you think he hates me?" He finally said. Riku smiled and draped a hand over Squall's shoulders leading his friend away in search for Tidus.

"Squall Tidus couldn't hate you if he tried. But what do say we get Tidus to tell us what happened." Squall shoo k his head pinching the bridge of his nose.

"I already tried. He wouldn't tell me."

"Yes but your idea of trying and mine are entirely different. Besides he might tell me." Riku deduced.

However their search was fruitless and soon they separated to go to their classes. Their search would continue later.

Walking into his math class Riku sat heavily on his chair. Tidus was so good at avoiding people when he wanted, it was almost annoying.

"Why the long face?" Selphie asked, as she took her seat across from Riku.

"I think Tiuds is avoiding me and I need to talk to him." His voice sounded dejected.

"Really? I saw him earlier today and he seemed kind of sad. What happened?"

With a sigh Riku straightened up. "That's what I'd like to know."

"If you need my help just let me know. I really don't like it when my friends are upset and I can't help, or grumpy and they won't' tell me why." The last she added almost to herself.

"What do you mean grumpy?"

"It's just Sora. He was in a grumpy mood this morning. He says it's because he didn't get enough sleep but I think all his classes are getting to him." She said with concern.

Riku had no chance to reply as the teacher walked in and began their lecture.

0o0 0o0 0o0

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Blue eyes blinked at the container with brown liquid hovering before him. Looking up at the source holding the container, Sora smiled as he made eye contact with Riku.

"It's called an iced mocha swirl with whipped cream, guaranteed to send your cells into a temporary over production of ATP; providing you with enough energy to light a small village or just enough to keep you from falling asleep." Riku explained handing the drink to Sora who took it gladly.

"How did you know I was here?" Sora asked.

"Selphie told me you liked coming to this empty lab room to prepare for your lectures." Riku explained. "I hope I'm not offending you but that's kind of dorky." Riku said with a smile.

Sora took a drink, closed his eyes and moaned in pleasure. "Oh God Riku, thank you so much I needed this."

Riku swallowed and turned away chuckling. The damage, however, had been done that noise would be forever engraved in his memory.

"And yes, I know it's dorky but I like the lab setting it helps me relax. Is that weird?" Sora asked unaware of the effect he was having on Riku.

For an answer Riku shrugged his shoulders and dragged a stool to sit next to Sora.

"Though, how did you know I needed a quick pick me up?"

"Selphie." Riku replied. "She said you were grumpy in the morning, saying you hadn't gotten enough sleep, SpongeBob dreams again." Riku teased.

"No. At least I don't think it was SpongeBob." Sora said grinning. "I just had a restless night that's all."

"I know how that feels." Riku watched Sora take another sip from his drink and was almost disappointed at the lack of moaning.

"You said that last time too. Do you have weird dreams often?" Sora asked.

Lie, was the first thought that came to Riku's mind, but decided some truth would be better than lying to Sora. And he didn't want to lie but the last time he had shared his dreams with anyone, he had been forced to admit the people in his dreams had been figments of his imagination.

"Not often, though often enough to interfere with my sleep." Riku replied.

"What are they about?" Sora swirled the ice in his drink with the straw. And again, Riku decided to answer with half truths.

"I don't know. Sometimes I think they're glimpses from my accident. Other times I can't remember anything. I just know they're weird and I can't make much sense of them." Riku said it wasn't a complete lie but not the truth.

"One that stands out in particular is: I think I'm in the hospital and I'm looking down at myself, feeling really awful for myself for being in a coma. Talk about bizarre huh?" There enough truth to make Riku not feel guilty for lying.

Sora seemed thoughtful. "That does sound strange." He said quietly. "But dreams often are." He finished and smiled at Riku.

Riku smiled back and stood from his stool. Regretfully he picked up his back pack and shouldered it.

"Well I have to go I have another class. See you later." Riku walked towards the door.

Mission, cheer Sora up, was complete. Next was mission, cheer Tidus up, and sadly he knew it would take more than a heavily caffeinated drink, to execute that objective.

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Cardel: Wow two updates in one month. Hmm, the end of the world must be near. J/K

Demak: See I told you continuous practice of, write, type, post and update would do the trick.

Cardel: Easier said than done, but there you have it. Sora and Riku are going out! Though not on a date but we're getting there.

Demak/to Jin/ Don't you have anything negative to say.

Jin/in shock/ you dyed my hair pink.

Demak: It washes out.

Jin/whimpers and runs away screaming/

Cardel: Well then. Umm as for the secondary paring Squall/Tidus is winning so /shrugs/

Demak/calling after Jin/ Look at the bright side, you won't get lost in a crowd.

Jin: I hate you!

Cardel/sigh/ Stop fighting. And to the readers, thank you for reading and reviewing. You guys are made of awesome.


End file.
